Nothingness

 Julian and I are driving home through Provo Canyon. Somehow the subject of extinction comes up. We talk about what that means - for the animals on the planet, for the trees, the fish, the birds. 

We imagine a world with no whales, no redwood trees, no elephants, no parrots, no seagulls, no woodpeckers, no giraffes....

and he says "what about people? what if they are extinct? what then?" 

I say "yes, what then?" 

He thinks about it for a while and decides there would be nothing. 
             Nothing at all. 

"Until we start it all over again" says he. 

The light in me honors the light in you

Julian is spending the night with me. He's building a fort out of all the couch cushions and every pillow in the house. When he's finished, he says "look Nana, I made a Namaste Tunnel."
"Wow, cool. What happens in a Namaste Tunnel?" I ask.
"Well, you get inside and lay down, you put your hands up like this (prayer position in front of his heart), you say Namaste and you think about all things you don't do very well and you want to do better. And you just keep thinking about things you want to do better and you keep saying Namaste and when you get out it's all ok."

Wow. This little buddha, this old soul, this little pure being of light. He blows my mind and expands my brain on a constant basis. He's such a gift in my life and a gift to the planet. I'm very happy that he chose our family to join on this plane....

I'm always reminded of this song by Marshall Chapman I heard for the first time just before Julian was born. 

"Call the Lamas!" (I saw a little Buddha in the checkout line at the grocery store today)

Namaste
Om Shanti
 

Changes in attitude. Changes in lattitude.

I spend a lovely summer and fall in the mountains of Park City. It was/is a time of profound change, internally and externally. Moving through changes in my being. In my soul. In my relationships. Changes in my body and in my mind. Doing my best to gracefully dance with this thing called men-o-pause and learning so much along the way. Feelings of sadness that this time of a woman's life has been demonized and marginalized throughout history.


"There's something wrong with her. She's old. She's dried up. Let's put her in a corner. She's no longer vibrant or relevant or important. Let's put her on drugs to make her forever young and beautiful."

But it's the natural course of things, isn't it? We get older and wiser and more beautiful with all the knowledge and experiences gained in our life journey.

I never knew, never needed to know until I arrived here.
In this place.
In my life.

Feeling crazy. Heavy. Mortal.

Feeling abundant. Feeling alive. Feeling ready to create the next chapters.
Feeling like I have arrived.
At a very important juncture.

I get to choose how I want to dance....