catching up

I realize I haven't written for a while. I don't seem to get online much these days, as the days flow by and one melts easily into the next.

I have been enjoying my time immensely while trying to find my footing after a month of intense yoga training, but things are opening up and flowing in beautiful ways. I have begun to offer free yoga and chanting sessions at my home and it's turning into a wonderful thing. My friends come at 7 am and we begin our day with offerings and prayers to the gods and goddesses, followed by chanting/singing and then an hour of yoga. People seem to enjoy it and I know I adore it. The people who come are from Bali, Holland, Spain, Italy and England (so far). The things we do are a mix of Hindu and Balinese traditions and it feels very right.

Yesterday I went with my friend Ketut to her uncle's art gallery opening in the village of Gianyar. It was fantastic. It was held at her family home, where her uncle has created a gallery. There were at least a hundred people there, including some of the people from the royal family of Bali. There were dances, singing, so much food and of course wonderful art. Everyone was so kind to me and treated me like family too. People are shy to try and speak English with me, but they heartily encourage their children to have conversations with me to practice. I end up talking to teenagers a lot and it's great fun. I am learning Indonesian little by little and can have very basic conversations. I will sign up for a class at the local library to learn more.

Today I went on a very long motorbike ride with 4 of my dearest friends to Padang Bai, a beautiful beach town. We swam in the ocean, ate fresh fish cooked by a sweet woman there and laughed and talked a lot. It was so sweet because 3 of them will be leaving soon to go back to their countries. I have spent the most time with Maurizio, Marcia, Marie Jose and RJ and I will miss them a whole lot. But we have all agreed that we will meet again in Bali someday soon.

When I got back, sunburned and back throbbing from bouncing around on the pothole laden roadways, I quickly showered the sand off me, got dressed up in my finest sarong, sash and kebaya to go to the temple with my friend Donal. There is a huge 10 day celebration happening at one of the large temples here and it was fabulous. It's like a county fair. All kinds of food for sale, rides and balloons for the kids, vendors selling clothing, cheap toys and kitchenware. There were at least 1,000 people there if not more. Everyone is so welcoming and so delighted to see my in my traditional clothing. I lost my friend in the crowd, but a sweet family quickly took me under their wing and we went inside to pray together. I am not intimidated as I was at first, now that i know how it's done. I bought some flowers for offering, some incense and brought my beautiful metal dish with a lid which holds the offerings.

When we go inside the temple, we sit with hundreds of other people while the priest rings a bell and we go through the prayers, which include burning a stick of incense in front of me, waving flowers through the smoke and then holding them between my fingers at the top of my head as I silently pray. After each prayer, the flowers are placed in my hair, or behind my ear. It's such a beautiful thing to do.

After the prayers, the priest comes around with holy water and sprinkles it on us. Then we take three sips from our right hand and are given some rice which is placed on the forehead and on the throat. 

I continue to be amazed by the Balinese people and the rich culture that is here. They spend their whole lives in service to the gods which keep them healthy, happy, balanced, having good crops and nice animals and a good home, good business, among many other things.

The women carry huge baskets and towers of fruit on their heads as offerings. These are placed on the alter before the priest and after they are blessed they are taken home to be shared with family. The women are all dressed in their finest clothing and every one of them look like a goddess. Even the little girls. And the men all wear a sarong and cloth on their head. It's all so beautiful and everyone is always happy and smiling. I never see people get angry here and everyone helps each other in any way they can. I'd like to say it's a perfect society, but of course it's not.

The women in Bali do the bulk of the work, raising children, making offerings, running a business and doing all the manual labor like carrying loads of bricks and buckets of dirt on their heads at a construction site. Every Balinese woman I know is exhausted but she never shows it and never complains. They are incredible, strong woman and I admire them very much.

rainy days in Ubud and life after yoga training

I'm writing from a small warung (cafe) and watching the rain pour down again.....

It's been raining hard here the last few days. So hard that the streets are flooding at times. I waited out the storm yesterday at my friend's cafe and then drove through the light rain and water up to my knees at times to get home. I was so happy to be in my warm dry house all evening. I made some delicious food, did some reading and went to sleep early. I have been enjoying cooking so much. Last night I made a dish of vegetables, tofu and noodles in a sauce of coconut oil, ginger, chili, tumeric, sesame seeds and dry coconut. It was oh so divine. I enjoyed each mouthful and was very thankful for it.

My friend Cady from California has been staying with me for a few days, but is now gone for a few days with a friend in the North of Bali. She will return to Ubud and stay for another week.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend Sari and he asked me how things are going at the house. He asked if I felt good there and how my dreams are. I told him that I have had nothing but good feelings and good dreams since being in the house in Laplapan. Last night I had a wonderful dream about my grandma Reba. She and I were never very close and she passed away several years ago. It was a nice dream where she told me she is happy about what I'm doing and that all is well. Sari said that when a relative comes in a dream like that, looking healthy and happy, it means they are about to be reborn into the body of a child born into our family. I'm wondering now if anyone in my family is about to announce a pregnancy :)

He told me that when the current owner first bought the house, no one had lived in it for over 2 years. Sari spent the night there before any work had begun and he says that a beautiful woman dressed all in white came to him while he slept and told him she was sad that no one had been living there and no one had been making offerings to the gods. From that day on, he makes sure that offerings are made on a daily basis by his wife and by another woman in the neighborhood. Every day there are little offering baskets placed around the inside and outside of the home. They contain flowers, candies, rice and incense. They are so beautiful and it makes me feel comfortable and happy when I see them.

It has been one week since I completed my yoga training course. I have been trying to adjust and find my feet again in the "real" world outside of my little group that I spent so much time with in the last month. And I find that it's not easy. You would think that I would be in a state of bliss, filled with patience, gratitude and compassion. I feel that way when I do my morning practice for sure, but when I leave the house, I feel very impatient with other people. I am surprised by this, but I guess it's normal. I have been in an isolated world with like minded people all on the same journey for a month. Other people are in their worlds, doing their thing and it doesn't necessarily mesh with mine at the moment. I am still very much processing all the deep work I've done and it feels important to just stay with it, write a lot and let all the feelings come as they will. 

Puppies and Sacrifice in The Ring of Fire

There are a lot of dogs in Bali. 99% of them roam free and have no "owner". They eat out of the garbage and hang out in gangs. During the day they are nice, but at night they seem to turn wild and I don't trust them after dark. It seems like they get an attitude and think they own the place. Rabies is a problem in Bali and there is a campaign to get dogs vaccinated. Dogs that have had their shots wear a red ribbon on their necks. 

About a month after I moved in to my Bali house in the village of Laplapan, I come home one night to find a little scrawny puppy sitting on my doorstep. When I approach, he growls at me, but I can tell it is a growl of fear. I shoo him away and don't think about him until the next night when he is there again. Again he growls and again I shoo.

A few days later, he is in my house. He has gotten in through a hole in the fence, and since the house is open on the inside, he is in the living room. He sits and stares at me with his pitiful little face. He is so skinny and dirty and so malnourished that he doesn't have any hair. He looks like one of those hairless chihuahua pups. I talk to him and ask him where he's been. He doesn't answer. I get him some water and when I get near, he runs away. I can tell he has been beaten and is scared to death of humans. I leave the water for him and later I see that the bowl is empty. He comes day after day and sits. I feed him a few scraps but hesitate to give him too much because he cannot stay.

He lays there day after day getting skinnier and skinnier. I consider calling him "Gandhi" but decide to call him "Nyepi" after the silent holiday here in Bali, on which day he arrived at my door.

I realize I cannot sit and watch this dog wither in front of me so start to feed him some eggs and eventually break down and by some dog food at the market. Dog food is very expensive here, since there is no great need for it.

Soon, there is a thriving, happy puppy living with me. He is delightful and full of puppy life. He runs and jumps and playfully bites and frolics with the 3 year old daughter of the woman who cleans the house. He is a joy, but the whole time I am feeling a little uneasy about having Nyepi there because it's not my house and I don't want to leave him for the owner of the home after I move out.

As Nyepi grows and gets his energy, he becomes a real puppy and begins to chew on the the furniture and tear holes in the cushions. This feels like a final straw for me and I know I have to keep him outside. I have Sari come to repair the hole in the fence and put him out. Oh, the wailing and the crying..... He was totally incensed and cries and paws at the door. He could not believe what was happening in his little puppy world.

I continue to feed him outside but not as much. He stays by the front door and his little puppy friends come to play. I am amazed as I watch him interact and play and cannot believe the difference between him and his friends. They are all so unhealthy and full of fleas and bugs and have little fur. He is healthy and gorgeous.

After about two weeks of being outside, Nyepi is gone one day. I watch for him, but he doesn't return. I feel a mix and sadness and gladness about this turn of events. I am hoping that he has gone back to his mother and his dog friends in his own neighborhood.

One day, Sari asks me about the puppy. I tell him he is gone, and Sari shows a knowing, slight smile. "I think someone has taken him" he says. "Oh, great. Someone has taken him to live with them?" "No." Sari says, "someone has taken him to the temple". There are a few moments of silence as the reality of what he says sinks into me. My stomach drops. It feels like a punch with a big fist. Someone has taken him for a sacrifice, a practice that is still very much in use in Bali today as it has been for hundreds of years. Sari sees the horror on my face and he soothes me. "Please don't worry. This is very good karma for the puppy. He will come back as a human in the next life. This is a good thing."

I am still grappling with this experience and my feelings about it. It seems so terrible, but who am I to judge other cultures and the things they believe in, no matter how wrong they may seem to me? In the mind and practice of the Balinese, this was a great blessing to them and to the gods they work so hard every day to please.

Now when the other neighborhood dogs come around my house and look at me, I wonder what they are thinking. Do they think I am a terrible person for what I have done, fattening up a dog, making him attractive and a good candidate for a temple ceremony, or do they wish that they too could give the ultimate gift to the gods after having a delightful few weeks of sheer bliss in the home of an unknowing foreigner girl?

A yoga teacher graduate

Today is the last day of our month long training. So much to say once I process it all. I am so grateful for this experience and know now that this is why I came to Bali.

It's about so much more than postures. It's about a way of life, of taking care of our bodies, of the way we move about in the world.

Up until now I have just taken classes. I have never delved into the origins of yoga and known how it came about from the original teachings in India. And I have only just scratched the surface.....there is so much to know and I could be studying for the rest of my life and never know it all. It's fascinating and it makes so much sense.

Tonight we will celebrate with food and music and dancing and joy. I will miss my 5:30 mornings with a group of like minded souls. But I plan to carry forward all that I have learned and practice each day and grow and learn as much as possible. I will live with a yoga heart full of love and compassion. There are definitely challenges along the way, but now I see them as a chance to practice.

Om shanti. (translated means PEACE)