Pool side musings

Hot desert heat envelopes me

Like a wool blanket

Even after the sun goes down, the thermometer still registers 98 degrees

Hot

Heavy

Heat

Wrapping around my brain

Families with kids eating pizza by the pool

Tattoos and hard black bodies

Red swim trunks on a football players body

Soaking in the solar rays

Energy

Heat

Vacation

Where will we all be at this time next year?

The young hotel worker on a break. Smoking. Looking down from his perch

Sizing everyone up

Wondering what I'm writing about

Hot wind like the breath of a dragon

I feel very disconnected from these people

Too many for a small hotel pool

Are the kids peeing in there?

Ambient mood music coming from 6 wall speakers around the chemical-filled liquid cool

Las Vegas 2011

I'm here in Sin City with my friend Amber. And it's hot here in the desert. I mean really, really hot. Yesterday I was walking down the strip and literally felt my sunglasses melting on my face. Bali was hot, but with lots of moisture. Vegas is just plain piping, direct, oven-heat, house-on-fire HOT.

I am tagging along with my friend on a business trip. It's pretty great because we're staying in a lovely business hotel. Not even a slot machine in site. They all know her here because this is her home for one week a month, so we're treated like royalty. The room is the size of an apartment and I get to hang out all day while she toils away selling top quality vitamins and supplements to wonderful health conscious stores.

Needless to say, Vegas is a strange place to be after Ubud, Bali. There are probably not two more complete opposite cities on the planet....I thought I would hate being here, but instead I look at it all with a child like curiosity. I'm amazed that we as a race have come to this place in our "civilization." Vegas is all about distraction from what it means to be a human being. It's about living in a complete fantasy world. Which I guess is ok for a few days a year when you're on vacation from your "real" life. But what about the people who live and work here? How strange it must be...

One of the most wacky things to me is that now there isn't even a human being at the card table. It's a computer generated image of a woman who looks you in the eye and deals cards to you via another computer in front of the chair where you sit..... It's all very bizarre and funny to me.

Tonight we are going to see a Cirque Du Soleil show all about the Beatles music. I'm looking forward to it.

Viva Las Vegas baby.

"Las Vegas is Everyman's cut-rate Babylon.  Not far away there is, or was, a roadside lunch counter and over it a sign proclaiming in three words that a Roman emperor's orgy is now a democratic institution.  "Topless Pizza Lunch."  ~Alistair Cooke

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."  ~Jeff Candido and Jason Hoff, advertising slogan written for the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority, 2002

Back in Time

From my journal, dated May 17, 2011

Ubud, Bali

The sun rises and so do I. I bath my body and scent it with oils of lavender and lemon. I put the water on to boil and create today's tea: rosella flowers, lemongrass, ginger, palm sugar and cinnamon.

I dress and brush my teeth, turn on the fountain in the garden and roll out my yoga mat. 

I begin to stretch and move my somewhat stiff body after many hours of lying still in sleep. I think about my dreams of the night before. 

The garden

The people of my village are awake and active at this early hour. Roosters are crowing, dogs are barking and people are making their way to the market to sell their fruit and vegetables. They carry great piles of green leafy spinach, bananas and heavy coconuts on their heads as they walk the mile into town. 

At the small village temple next door there is constant construction. Across the road, the rice farmers in their bamboo hats begin to plant and harvest the rice, depending on the time in the three month cycle. They heard large groups of ducks into the fields, shepherding them with a long bamboo pole with a piece of cloth tied to the end. This way they can lift up the pole to warn motorists to watch out for the ducks as they cross the road. The ducks are very important to the rice farmers and to the rice crops. They eat bugs and weeds that would harm the rice plants, and naturally aerate the soil with their little duck feet. 

The fountain in the garden

At 7 am people begin to arrive at my home. RJ from London; a dear friend and confidant, Marcia from Portugal; my soul sister, teacher and gifted healer, Ketut and her husband Putu, brother in law Gede, and Komang and Mira, all from Ubud. 

We spend an hour chanting sanskrit verses and in meditation. It is an incredibly powerful practice and I am so grateful for it. The energy of having many people in the same room meditating is greatly magnified. I have never before practiced meditation on a consistent basis, and I am amazed at the many positive things it has brought to my life. 

My alter

After meditation, I lead the group in an hour and a half yoga practice. I am learning so much from this group of people and so grateful for this practice. 

When we finish, we share hot tea and fruit and finish by 10. 

My house

This day is a busy one; I have an appointment with Nyoman to get my new tattoo, bahasa Indonesian lessons, and dinner with a friend. In between I sneak into a spa and get some much needed waxing. I find on this day that with the removal of body hair comes an incredible lightness of being :)

Nyoman - creating my new tattoo

Selemat Ulang Tahun

The dawn of my 48th year

in this body

on this planet

Love abounds

Beauty surrounds

My heart is relaxed

I am humbled by the blessings in my life

I trust in the universe

I trust in myself

To be

Just to be

that is all I need to do

Doors open

Doors close

as butterflies dance around them

decorating with color and light

All we need to do is listen

Mountain Morning

Warm sunlight bathes my face
Ancient trees stand guard around my soul
The stream rushes furiously by
With no where to go
I am protected and held
Mt. Timpanogos watches over
Bits of pure white snow as her jewels
Butterflies of all colors float by
Doing the butterfly tango on this beautiful stage
There is a blissful nature spirit here
In spite of the mansions that have replaced the trees
Spirit lives on
Evolution is at work
I am peace
Peace is in me
Om shanti

Blogging

Ah, my poor little blog has been very empty and lonely these past weeks.

I am back in America and finding my way after living in the magic of Bali for seven months. And things are playing out in amazing and wonderful ways.

I plan to spend the next several days writing and reflecting as I am tucked away in my little cabin in the mountains of Sundance.

I feel very inspired to focus on my writing and now is the time to do it. I am surrounded by beautiful pine trees, a rushing stream and majestic Mt. Timpanogos with only my thoughts and words to put down on paper, er computer. I have volumes of hand written journals to refer to  and many ideas are peculating around in my brain....

Many thanks for your kind support always and for reading my words.

Terima kasih banyak!
(thank you very much!)

There once was a girl who went to Bali

There once was a girl, who at the tender age of 47 went to the island of Bali and she forgot to go home. 

She was enchanted and held by this magical place and could not bring herself to leave. She knew there was something important here that she must do.

She spent her days with the Balinese people, learning the language and the culture. She was invited to ceremonies for tooth filings, cremations, weddings, for the a girls first menstruation, for the first time a baby touches the ground at 6 months of age, blessings of animals and of all things mechanical, ceremonies honoring Dewi Sri, the goddess of the rice fields and Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge and learning.

She was given the name Ketut Ayu. Ketut is the fourth child in a family and Ayu means beautiful.

She went on many adventures around the island. Trips to the ocean to snorkel and swim, to blissful waterfalls and sacred streams, she explored wondrous volcanoes and sumptuous temples with names like The Full Moon Temple, The Bat Cave Temple, The Elephant Cave Temple, Tirta Empul, and the most important Besaki – The Mother Temple in the center of Bali.

She learned to meditate and pray and to teach yoga. And she made many friendships to last a lifetime. She learned tantric breathing and energy healing and she was fully present and more alive than ever.

She lived in the rhythm of her village life. Up with the sun, asleep with the nightfall. The concept of time did not really exist. It is measured in Bali by a “rubber watch”, meaning that time is flexible and expandable and no one is confined by it.

Her home in Bali was a former wig factory that had been made into a beautiful feminine space, complete with brilliant colored fabrics, many soft cushions and a sweet little kitchen where she loved to cook and make special teas. The fountain in the middle of the garden was a gorgeous nude goddess who inspired her each day.

And the people came every morning at 7 am. They would pick flowers from the garden and together offer them to Saraswati and ask for her blessings. They would meditate and share a yoga practice. Life was very peaceful and beautiful.

She wore flowers in her hair and used them each day in her offerings, in her tea, in her bath and to decorate her motorbike. She was creative and expressive and she was radiating the beauty that surrounded her. 

She hung out at the small warungs (cafes) with her Balinese friends and at the tailor shop drinking strong coffee and eating sweet rice while practicing Indonesian and English with Ibu Made.

She volunteered at Sari Hati school for disabled children and she was filled with immense joy at the sight of this very special group of kids. Komang would do card tricks and read her palm and teach her to play drums from his wheelchair seat.

She went to see Balinese healers who would poke her feet with sticks and spread herbs and holy water on her and interpret her dreams.

She lived her home with butterflies and bats, frogs and snakes, stray dogs and cats and an extended gecko family.

She lived in complete harmony with nature and the people and the beauty of the island.

And one day, to her surprise, seven months had passed. And it was time to go home. She went with a joy in heart and the knowledge that she would return to Bali someday soon. 

Terimakasi banyak, Ibu Bali.

This little piggy went to the ceremony

Early this morning as I drink my tea and watch the new day unfold, I hear strange sounds coming from the temple next door. Lots of rustling around, and men with raised voices, which is a very unusual occurrence. The multiple dogs in the compound begin to bark and whine. And then I hear a high picked squeal that can only come from a pig. More yelling from the men. One more squeal from the pig and I finally realize what's happening.

Soon 4 men come out of the compound with a 300 pound pig tied to a bamboo pole, carrying it on their shoulders. They look happy as they heave the large (rather dead) animal into the back of the truck and drive away.

They will use the pig in one of many large temple ceremonies that happen here on a daily basis. They will use every part of the pig to celebrate a wedding or a blessing of some kind.

The blood of the pig is used to make a special Balinese dish called "lawar". It is mixed with vegetables and spices after the vegetables are cooked and happily eaten by all the people at the ceremony.

If you want to make lawar and don't happen to have a pig to kill for this purpose, you can easily purchase pig blood at the local market.

This culture continues to fascinate and enchant me every day....

Some Funny/Interesting Things About Bali

1) In Bali, a cell phone is a way of life. It is called a "hand phone" or "hp". People use it to text or "sms" as a way to communicate. Few people make actual calls. Phones run on a pay-as-you-go system. The credit is called "pulsa". When you run out of pulsa you must go to a small kiosk and get more added to your account. I got an sms from a friend one day that said "I have no pulse". A very funny mistake.

2) a bicycle is called a "push bike"

3) when you buy veggies or fruit in the supermarket, you must first take them to the veggie guy to weigh, bag, and put a price tag on before going to the check out.

4) if the cashier does not have "small money" to make change, they give you a little candy mint instead. But when I try to use this same mint to pay for my groceries the next time, they won't take it. :)

5) a bottle of water costs me around 6,000 rupiah. My rent is 4 million rupiah per month. My motorbike costs me 700,000 a month. All those zeros take some getting used to.

6) There are temple ceremonies happening each day for things like blessing of anything mechanical, blessing of the rice fields, blessing of the animals, blessing of the time a baby first touches the ground at 6 months old, or blessing of a girls first menstruation, blessing of a new house or business, full moon ceremonies along with hundreds of others. When ceremonies take place, people cannot come to work so a shop or office just closes.

7) Everyone in Bali celebrates 2 birthdays a year, six months apart.

8) A person cannot move into a new house until the geckos, spiders and ants do. Nature gets the utmost respect.

9) The concept of time does not really exist in Bali. People say that time in Bali is measured by a "rubber watch" meaning that time is flexible and expandable and people are not confined by it.

10) when a baby is born, it is believed that the soul of a relative who has passed away is reborn into the baby.

11) I have never seen a Balinese person get angry or say a cross word.

12) I have never seen a Balinese with a cast or a bandage on. This is particularly surprising given the number of motorbikes that are ridden around each day.

13) If a Balinese person gets sick, they usually go to a healer instead of a doctor.

Purification

So many things have been happening here in my little house in Bali. I almost don’t know where to begin.

April 23 is the day of Saraswati, the Goddess of Knowledge and Learning. A huge day of festival and celebration here. My dear friend Ketut brings special flower offerings she made for the day. She tells me to gather all of my most important books and place the beautiful offerings on the books, light incense sticks and do my prayers of thanks. 

Later in the day, I accompany her to first her family temple, her village temple and her village priest’s home to bring offerings and pray. We are dressed in our finest sarong and kebaya, her driving the motorbike from place to place, me on the back, riding side-saddle with the basket of offerings delicately balanced on my head. Of course I hang on to it with both hands, very afraid that it would fall the ground spoiling all the precious contents. The women of Bali balance their whole lives on their heads, it seems with never a mishap.

The next morning my three friends and I meet Ketut at 4:30 so we can go to the beach for purification, along with hundreds of other Balinese people. Interestingly, this coincides with the Christian Easter Sunday and is a day of new beginnings.

We get to the beach before sunrise and join the many other people there. It feels like a fourth of July celebration. Everyone is happy and cheerful and the mood is light. We decide to do some yogic sun salutations and get many stares of delight. People are curious and happy about what we are doing and it feels very right. The glorious volcano, Mt. Agung is silhouetted against the sky as the sun rises behind it. The ocean waves reach toward us on the beach.

When the sun is up, we go to the car and collect our sarong and our flower offering baskets. We sit on the beach and pray while holding flowers at our forehead as the Balinese do. We pray for peace on the planet and for the continued sources of knowledge to come to us. Afterwards we go into the sacred ocean around the island of Bali and splash ourselves and feel clean and new.

We are back home by 8:30 am, stop for a delicious breakfast then head to Sunday morning dance class. After a shower and a rest, we meet up again and Ketut drives us to see a 25 year old woman priest, Ida Resi Alit. She is the only woman priest in Bali and she has an amazing story of how this journey has unfolded for her.

We sit on the porch of her remote village home and when she appears, it nearly takes my breath away. She is so beautiful. So delicate. Like a china doll. Her English is quite good and we have a wonderful conversation about her life and about her work. I could write a long story just about her, and plan to do so in the future.

There are about 20 people in attendance at her home and after a while she takes her place on a raised alter/platform in her family temple. She begins to pray and chant in the most beautiful voice. The voice she uses to pray is completely different than her speaking voice.

Families come forward to stand in front of her and as she prays and chants over them, she pours holy water on them from many vessels that are handed to her.  The water contains flowers and smells like I imagine heaven would smell.

When it is our turn, we approach the alter; Ketut, Putu, Simone and me. Risi begins to pray and chant as the water is poured. And I begin to cry. Softly at first and then I begin to sob. The more I cry, the more water she pours on me, and she tells me to just let it all go.

By the time she is finished, I am completely soaked and feel intensely clean and sparkly and very emotional. My friend Simone from San Francisco, standing next to me has a rather different experience. As the water was being poured onto her, she begins to laugh. Then the male priest with the big belly begins to laugh. As the water is poured, the laughter gets louder and louder. Like it was coming from way down in their toes. Soon everyone in the small temple is laughing along with us. 

It is a very special, very beautiful day of blessings in Bali.

catching up

I realize I haven't written for a while. I don't seem to get online much these days, as the days flow by and one melts easily into the next.

I have been enjoying my time immensely while trying to find my footing after a month of intense yoga training, but things are opening up and flowing in beautiful ways. I have begun to offer free yoga and chanting sessions at my home and it's turning into a wonderful thing. My friends come at 7 am and we begin our day with offerings and prayers to the gods and goddesses, followed by chanting/singing and then an hour of yoga. People seem to enjoy it and I know I adore it. The people who come are from Bali, Holland, Spain, Italy and England (so far). The things we do are a mix of Hindu and Balinese traditions and it feels very right.

Yesterday I went with my friend Ketut to her uncle's art gallery opening in the village of Gianyar. It was fantastic. It was held at her family home, where her uncle has created a gallery. There were at least a hundred people there, including some of the people from the royal family of Bali. There were dances, singing, so much food and of course wonderful art. Everyone was so kind to me and treated me like family too. People are shy to try and speak English with me, but they heartily encourage their children to have conversations with me to practice. I end up talking to teenagers a lot and it's great fun. I am learning Indonesian little by little and can have very basic conversations. I will sign up for a class at the local library to learn more.

Today I went on a very long motorbike ride with 4 of my dearest friends to Padang Bai, a beautiful beach town. We swam in the ocean, ate fresh fish cooked by a sweet woman there and laughed and talked a lot. It was so sweet because 3 of them will be leaving soon to go back to their countries. I have spent the most time with Maurizio, Marcia, Marie Jose and RJ and I will miss them a whole lot. But we have all agreed that we will meet again in Bali someday soon.

When I got back, sunburned and back throbbing from bouncing around on the pothole laden roadways, I quickly showered the sand off me, got dressed up in my finest sarong, sash and kebaya to go to the temple with my friend Donal. There is a huge 10 day celebration happening at one of the large temples here and it was fabulous. It's like a county fair. All kinds of food for sale, rides and balloons for the kids, vendors selling clothing, cheap toys and kitchenware. There were at least 1,000 people there if not more. Everyone is so welcoming and so delighted to see my in my traditional clothing. I lost my friend in the crowd, but a sweet family quickly took me under their wing and we went inside to pray together. I am not intimidated as I was at first, now that i know how it's done. I bought some flowers for offering, some incense and brought my beautiful metal dish with a lid which holds the offerings.

When we go inside the temple, we sit with hundreds of other people while the priest rings a bell and we go through the prayers, which include burning a stick of incense in front of me, waving flowers through the smoke and then holding them between my fingers at the top of my head as I silently pray. After each prayer, the flowers are placed in my hair, or behind my ear. It's such a beautiful thing to do.

After the prayers, the priest comes around with holy water and sprinkles it on us. Then we take three sips from our right hand and are given some rice which is placed on the forehead and on the throat. 

I continue to be amazed by the Balinese people and the rich culture that is here. They spend their whole lives in service to the gods which keep them healthy, happy, balanced, having good crops and nice animals and a good home, good business, among many other things.

The women carry huge baskets and towers of fruit on their heads as offerings. These are placed on the alter before the priest and after they are blessed they are taken home to be shared with family. The women are all dressed in their finest clothing and every one of them look like a goddess. Even the little girls. And the men all wear a sarong and cloth on their head. It's all so beautiful and everyone is always happy and smiling. I never see people get angry here and everyone helps each other in any way they can. I'd like to say it's a perfect society, but of course it's not.

The women in Bali do the bulk of the work, raising children, making offerings, running a business and doing all the manual labor like carrying loads of bricks and buckets of dirt on their heads at a construction site. Every Balinese woman I know is exhausted but she never shows it and never complains. They are incredible, strong woman and I admire them very much.

rainy days in Ubud and life after yoga training

I'm writing from a small warung (cafe) and watching the rain pour down again.....

It's been raining hard here the last few days. So hard that the streets are flooding at times. I waited out the storm yesterday at my friend's cafe and then drove through the light rain and water up to my knees at times to get home. I was so happy to be in my warm dry house all evening. I made some delicious food, did some reading and went to sleep early. I have been enjoying cooking so much. Last night I made a dish of vegetables, tofu and noodles in a sauce of coconut oil, ginger, chili, tumeric, sesame seeds and dry coconut. It was oh so divine. I enjoyed each mouthful and was very thankful for it.

My friend Cady from California has been staying with me for a few days, but is now gone for a few days with a friend in the North of Bali. She will return to Ubud and stay for another week.

Yesterday I was talking to my friend Sari and he asked me how things are going at the house. He asked if I felt good there and how my dreams are. I told him that I have had nothing but good feelings and good dreams since being in the house in Laplapan. Last night I had a wonderful dream about my grandma Reba. She and I were never very close and she passed away several years ago. It was a nice dream where she told me she is happy about what I'm doing and that all is well. Sari said that when a relative comes in a dream like that, looking healthy and happy, it means they are about to be reborn into the body of a child born into our family. I'm wondering now if anyone in my family is about to announce a pregnancy :)

He told me that when the current owner first bought the house, no one had lived in it for over 2 years. Sari spent the night there before any work had begun and he says that a beautiful woman dressed all in white came to him while he slept and told him she was sad that no one had been living there and no one had been making offerings to the gods. From that day on, he makes sure that offerings are made on a daily basis by his wife and by another woman in the neighborhood. Every day there are little offering baskets placed around the inside and outside of the home. They contain flowers, candies, rice and incense. They are so beautiful and it makes me feel comfortable and happy when I see them.

It has been one week since I completed my yoga training course. I have been trying to adjust and find my feet again in the "real" world outside of my little group that I spent so much time with in the last month. And I find that it's not easy. You would think that I would be in a state of bliss, filled with patience, gratitude and compassion. I feel that way when I do my morning practice for sure, but when I leave the house, I feel very impatient with other people. I am surprised by this, but I guess it's normal. I have been in an isolated world with like minded people all on the same journey for a month. Other people are in their worlds, doing their thing and it doesn't necessarily mesh with mine at the moment. I am still very much processing all the deep work I've done and it feels important to just stay with it, write a lot and let all the feelings come as they will. 

Puppies and Sacrifice in The Ring of Fire

There are a lot of dogs in Bali. 99% of them roam free and have no "owner". They eat out of the garbage and hang out in gangs. During the day they are nice, but at night they seem to turn wild and I don't trust them after dark. It seems like they get an attitude and think they own the place. Rabies is a problem in Bali and there is a campaign to get dogs vaccinated. Dogs that have had their shots wear a red ribbon on their necks. 

About a month after I moved in to my Bali house in the village of Laplapan, I come home one night to find a little scrawny puppy sitting on my doorstep. When I approach, he growls at me, but I can tell it is a growl of fear. I shoo him away and don't think about him until the next night when he is there again. Again he growls and again I shoo.

A few days later, he is in my house. He has gotten in through a hole in the fence, and since the house is open on the inside, he is in the living room. He sits and stares at me with his pitiful little face. He is so skinny and dirty and so malnourished that he doesn't have any hair. He looks like one of those hairless chihuahua pups. I talk to him and ask him where he's been. He doesn't answer. I get him some water and when I get near, he runs away. I can tell he has been beaten and is scared to death of humans. I leave the water for him and later I see that the bowl is empty. He comes day after day and sits. I feed him a few scraps but hesitate to give him too much because he cannot stay.

He lays there day after day getting skinnier and skinnier. I consider calling him "Gandhi" but decide to call him "Nyepi" after the silent holiday here in Bali, on which day he arrived at my door.

I realize I cannot sit and watch this dog wither in front of me so start to feed him some eggs and eventually break down and by some dog food at the market. Dog food is very expensive here, since there is no great need for it.

Soon, there is a thriving, happy puppy living with me. He is delightful and full of puppy life. He runs and jumps and playfully bites and frolics with the 3 year old daughter of the woman who cleans the house. He is a joy, but the whole time I am feeling a little uneasy about having Nyepi there because it's not my house and I don't want to leave him for the owner of the home after I move out.

As Nyepi grows and gets his energy, he becomes a real puppy and begins to chew on the the furniture and tear holes in the cushions. This feels like a final straw for me and I know I have to keep him outside. I have Sari come to repair the hole in the fence and put him out. Oh, the wailing and the crying..... He was totally incensed and cries and paws at the door. He could not believe what was happening in his little puppy world.

I continue to feed him outside but not as much. He stays by the front door and his little puppy friends come to play. I am amazed as I watch him interact and play and cannot believe the difference between him and his friends. They are all so unhealthy and full of fleas and bugs and have little fur. He is healthy and gorgeous.

After about two weeks of being outside, Nyepi is gone one day. I watch for him, but he doesn't return. I feel a mix and sadness and gladness about this turn of events. I am hoping that he has gone back to his mother and his dog friends in his own neighborhood.

One day, Sari asks me about the puppy. I tell him he is gone, and Sari shows a knowing, slight smile. "I think someone has taken him" he says. "Oh, great. Someone has taken him to live with them?" "No." Sari says, "someone has taken him to the temple". There are a few moments of silence as the reality of what he says sinks into me. My stomach drops. It feels like a punch with a big fist. Someone has taken him for a sacrifice, a practice that is still very much in use in Bali today as it has been for hundreds of years. Sari sees the horror on my face and he soothes me. "Please don't worry. This is very good karma for the puppy. He will come back as a human in the next life. This is a good thing."

I am still grappling with this experience and my feelings about it. It seems so terrible, but who am I to judge other cultures and the things they believe in, no matter how wrong they may seem to me? In the mind and practice of the Balinese, this was a great blessing to them and to the gods they work so hard every day to please.

Now when the other neighborhood dogs come around my house and look at me, I wonder what they are thinking. Do they think I am a terrible person for what I have done, fattening up a dog, making him attractive and a good candidate for a temple ceremony, or do they wish that they too could give the ultimate gift to the gods after having a delightful few weeks of sheer bliss in the home of an unknowing foreigner girl?