Number 46

Longing to go back to the healing island of Bali.....

Number 47

Create my own organic fruit, vegetable and herb garden from which I produce at least 60% of the food I take into my body.

Number 48

Create a healing, sacred space where people can come to dance, write, draw, practice yoga, play music, meditate, and BE.

Number 49

Celebrate Tulip Day in Sweden.

I want to lay down in the middle of that color and be surrounded by the stupendous beauty of millions of tulips!

Number 50

On the countdown of 50 things I wanna do:

#50. Buy a small motor home or travel trailer and take Julian on lots of adventures. And Anicah too when she's big enough to pack her suitcase :)

Preparation for the not so big 5-0

As I prepare to turn 50 in six weeks or so, many thoughts ramble through my mind.

50. Is this what 50 looks like? I have to say I'm pretty happy about it. I don't feel like the 50 I have thought of most of my life. That is until the last 6 years or so, as I've edged closer and closer. I've marveled at all the very cool, very young 50 somethings I know. 50 isn't a bad thing, as it turns out. It's a pretty great place to be.

I've thought mostly about how I will mark this wonderful occasion. What are some of the most memorable things I can do to make this another memorable day, in the many memorable days of my life? I would like to be on a camel in Morocco. I would like to be in a temple in Bali. I would like to be among the ancient Mayan ruins in Mexico. On a beach in Hawaii. Or in a home in Utah surrounded by the most important people in my life. As it gets closer I realize I don't need to travel far to a far off land to turn 50.

I have no negative thoughts about it, thank goodness. No resistance. Only happiness that I am here, in this place in my life. I have much to be thankful for, that's for sure. I have been to a lot of places, met amazing people and had more experiences in the last few years than most people do in a lifetime. I consider myself a very fortunate soul indeed. But I'm not done yet....

I've decided to make a list of 50 things I want to do in the next year. No matter how silly, how big or how small or how far fetched it may be. I realize that we all create our own reality and nothing is impossible. We'll see how it all shakes out. Stay tuned....

Healdsburg Revisted

I find myself in Healdsburg California again. One year later. Me and Coco the crazy pup.

Her parents asked me again to come and stay while they work and vacation in Europe. I was happy to be asked. It's quiet and lovely here. Coco gets me out on long walks in the hills and it feels like home. She didn't want to go far at first. We would get only a block away and she would sit her heavy body down and not move, except back toward the house. I was bummed out about this because the walks were so healing last time. Each day we got a little further from the house before she would change her mind. I would coax her along, telling her she was doing great. Just a little further, Coco....

After a few days we were back to our old 2, 3 and 4 mile hikes in the morning or evening as the sun was setting over the beautiful Dry Creek Valley.
Coco and me.

I don't know what it is about this dog. To anyone in the neighborhood who knows her, she is mean and vicious. Barking at anything that moves and looking like she will tear you to shreds. Her bark is deep and scary and her teeth sharp. But she is a kind soul inside a troubled little body. She was rescued and who knows what her life was like before.

She is very protective and she takes care of me. I feel completely safe with Coco.....but we don't make any friends with others while out on our walks. I am busy holding her heavy weight at the other end of the leash so she doesn't bite someone or something...dogs behind fences drive her completely insane. She twists and turns and one time got off the leash and was throwing herself at the fence trying to get the big beast on the other side. It was terrifying. But only because I couldn't get the leash back over her head....I'll have to ask her owners to invest in a harness that she can't get out of next time.

We roam the trails in the open space just a block away. Up the trail behind the church and onto the dirt tracks. Through a silent grove of skinny redwoods, a sacred opening in their center. A very peaceful place. Up the trail, straight at the crossroads and onto the "All The Oaks" trail. It's a narrow dirt path that winds through a beautiful hillside, oaks, madrones, redwoods, butterflies, deer and birds keep us company. Coco drags me along, faster than my little feet can go. I ask her to slow down with a tug of the leash. She slows her step for a few moments and then picks up the pace. We come back down and across the hill for a quick swim in the pond. She is so happy to jump in and swim around like a miniature hippo. She finds a stick for me to throw and we play for a while. She makes me laugh out loud. We both love it up there. We stop for a sip of water and maybe a snack and are on our way. She begins to tire and stops at each spot of shade. I tell her we're going home. Her ears perk up and she's ready to go.

It's been a lovely time here in HEALdsburg once again. I'm very grateful. Until next time, Coco.

On writing

The stories already exist somewhere in my reality. They arrive at the doorstep of my mind and invite them in. I sprinkle them with my own brand of herbs and spices and put them out on the baking sheet of white paper with the faint gray lines. I bake them at a nice slow temperature until they are just write. It's a playful game. I smile as my pen flits across the landscape and I feel grateful that my hand and fingers work. Typing on the computer is so different. It puts a barrier between me and the words. With my pen I paint and draw and flow with the rhythm and time. Maybe like composing a piece of music...although I never have. 

Haemophilus influenzae

You snuck in on little cat feet
Quietly poking at my feet, my back, the knuckles of my hands
With a warm-hot poker
I'm not sure what's going on

I thought you went away
But no
You came back with a vengence
Sitting down on my chest
Crushing my skull
Sucking the moisture from my eyes
I'm so damn tired

It hurts to laugh

Ok I'll entertain you for a while
But it doesn't mean you can stay

I make the room wet with steam
from the boiling pot
I chop fresh ginger root
and lemons
I rub oil of lavender, rosemary, cilanto, and olive
Into my skin
I drink gallons of tea
and fresh water

I hear what you have to tell me
But now I think it's time for you
to tap dance
on down the road

The longest night

It's December 21st. The Winter Solstice. People all over the world are celebrating and honoring this auspicious day. I have honored it in my own way - by being very quiet and listening to the strong vibrations of the universe. They have much to tell us. Stories as old as time. We've forgotten what we once knew. But now is the time to remember. To heal. To wake up. To acknowledge the beautiful fabric that we are all a part of.

I will meet up with friends tonight to stretch together on our yoga mats, dance, sing, pray and enjoy all the many blessings we share.

Namaste
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Baby It's Cold Outside

The rain falls in buckets and sheets
The mountains light up
with the lightning's dance
The thunder shakes my soul

Suddenly the rain turns to snow
Fat white flakes falling
softly turning
Sticking to my coat
and the car windshield

We hurry home
Bellies full of delectable food

We tuck in for the night
and hold each other tight

We awake to thick ice and snow
car doors frozen shut
We scrape and scrape
The crisp air
and sunshine
caressing our faces

Beautiful is the morning

We go for breakfast
Steaming eggs and roasted coffee
And a stroll through town

Our lips linger
As we say goodbye

Mr President

Congratulations Barack Obama. Four more years. I feel so incredibly relieved and happy. I'm wishing you much success on a difficult job and may everyone join together for the greater good....

The Road is My Middle Name

I borrowed this title from one of my favorite Bonnie Raitt songs and it seems appropriate.

I love travel and adventure and looking forward to the next one, which will be a road trip to California. I have been in Utah now for several months and it's become clear that it's where I need to be. It's time to make a trip back to the Bay Area and retrieve my belongings which have been safely tucked away for almost exactly three years now. The thought of having all of my things around me and accessible after so long makes me a little giddy. I also have moments that border on terror at the thought of being in one place, but realize that it doesn't mean I can't have the freedom to roam like I have in the recent past. I have been a little scared to stay still for too long, but now have found so much peace and joy in the stillness.

People and events have unfolded that make me know without a doubt that I am in the right place at the right time (as always). All I need to do is continue to listen.

Everything is revealed in the silent moments.

It is the Fall season and I feel full and abundant. What a great harvest it is. Everything has led me to this moment and it is so beautiful and so perfect. A safe and happy landing.....

Om Shanti  Shanti  Shanti