Racy Brain

I couldn't sleep last night. My brain was all racy with all kinds of thoughts bouncing around. When I finally got to sleep around 3 am I woke up two hours later, this time with my heart racing. I had a nightmare about my previous landlord, Tiffany O'Hara. It scared the shit out of me. She was very real, very menacing and very scary. (as she is in real life)

She has been in my thoughts lately because when I get back to California I need to put the wheels in motion to get the money back that she stole from me by keeping my rental deposit. Not looking forward to it or to being in the same room with her. But it's always good to face our demons head on, isn't it?

The circle of life

Majestic snow capped mountains stand guard
Their reflection looks back at me in the cool, clear water
My shadow looking over the edge
a bubble is forced to the surface by an unknown breather
bursting as air meets air
a perfect circle begins
It gets larger and larger
never ending
never breaking
another forms and joins it
overlapping
dancing
swaying
on top of the water
We are all part of this circle
We are all one
Haiti
Africa
India
Tibet
Afghanistan
Nepal
America
We are part of the same family

What happened to March?

Boy, this month has flown by. It seems like we were just celebrating Taylor's birthday on the 2nd and now here it is, almost the end of the month.

I'm winding down my time here and it's good and strange too. I have loved being in Utah but feel like I must get a move-on with whatever I'm doing next. I need to get back to California and get back into my business networks and back with my friends there. I am missing my girlfriends very much. I miss the weather and the food there too. And I miss the ocean. And the cable car. And the wine country. And the live music. And the festivals.

I'm going on a little overnight trip to Wendover (we used to call it "Bend-over") with my friend Sandra and her boyfriend and about 40 of his friends and family. Should be lots of fun. Then when I get back, I'll jet off to Vegas for a few days with my friend Amber. It will be nice. Then, mom and dad will be back from their winter in Arizona and I can't wait to see them. Susie will come out a few days later and we'll head back to California in my car. We plan to take several days and hit some of the beautiful places along the way. I'm looking forward to that.

Austin Texas

I went to Austin last weekend with my friends Amber and Trieste. It was the SXSW Film Festival and Trieste's daughter, Trieste Kelly Dunn was in a film that premiered there.

I had never been to Austin before and was excited to be there. It was much as I had heard and imagined with would be: a very cool town with lots of great music and great food. Everyone seemed to be very kicked back and relaxed and there were lots of people in their 30's running around. Many of the young girls were wearing very short dresses and the highest hooker heels I've ever seen. It was like a contest to see who could wear the least clothing and get the most altitude on their shoes. I guess if I had the body and the balance, I would take advantage of it too. But they will learn later on how very important comfort is :)

We stayed at a friend of a friend's house outside of Austin. They were out of town and let us use their place which was pretty incredible. It had a nice pool and hot tub, a movie theatre, exercise room, many bedrooms and lots and lots of space. It was very kind of them to let us stay there.

It was so much fun to be with my friends again. We used to travel a lot together and haven't done it for many years. We stayed up late, drank a lot and laughed a whole lot. It was great and I'm happy to have such dear friends in my life. And I am so proud of Kelly. She is a wonderful actress and has worked really hard to get some great roles. It's great to see her progress. I'm sure there is nothing but great things to come for her. She'll be at the San Francisco International Film Festival next with this current film, Cold Weather.

The smell of India is fading....

The smell of India sneaks up out of my backpack sometimes. It's a smell that I never liked while I was there but now when I smell it, it makes me very happy and nostalgic. It reminds me of the transformational time I had, the friends I made, the experiences I had and it makes me miss the hell out of it. Each time I open my backpack to get my laptop out, I realize the smell is fading. I want to try desperately to hold on it it. To make it stay. That way maybe the memories will stay fresh in my mind.

I brought back some beautiful quilts that were made by the women at New Light Shelter and they also carry the rich smell of India. I have not been able to bring myself to wash them. I don't want to wash away smell or the touch of the women who made them. But their smell too is slowly being replaced by the smells of America and my mom's house. Coffee, vanilla candles, the bananas that Julian eats and snow.

I sort of miss being on the road. And I feel myself getting antsy. I miss the adventure and I miss my friends there. It's funny how we seem to always want what we don't have. When I was in India I missed my family and my friends here so much, I ached.

My friend Arnab in India calls me a few times a week and it's so great. He tells me what's happening with the girls at Soma Home and the kids at New Light Shelter. The girls at Soma Home all had their final exams to move to the next grade level and every one of them passed. They are so excited and proud.

Little baby Godee, who was found in the gutter outside of New Light Shelter a few days before I left, is doing great and is thriving and healthy. Little Coco, who's mother passed away a few months ago and is being taken care of by the wonderful staff at New Light is also doing great. She is such a beautiful little girl of about 8 months. She has a powerful light in her eyes and an amazing spirit.

Well, I'm being kicked out of the coffee shop I"m in so I must post this now. Everything in Utah seems to close early. More later...

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I am still enjoying my time in here Utah for the most part. There are things about this state and this town that drive me crazy, but it sure is beautiful here.

Taylor, Julian, Dylan and my sister Teresa were all here last weekend. We went to Salt Lake on the train, went to the planetarium, cooked together, watched the Olympics and just enjoyed each other. I loved seeing Neil Young sing "Long May You Run" at the closing ceremonies. It was perfect. Yesterday was Taylor's birthday and I made chocolate raspberry pancakes for breakfast and we went to the mall for a while before Julian gave out and it was time to go.

It's been so fun and rejuvenating to spend time with Julian. He is always on the go and so curious about everything. In his lightening fast pace, he teaches me to slow down and look around me at all the little things that make up the world. There is so much that we don't pay attention to like a child. He doesn't talk much but communicates all that he needs to. I'm sure one of these first days he is going to burst out in full sentences, and start talking up a storm. I adore him so much. He is on the verge of saying "grandma", I'm just sure of it. Taylor tells Julian to call me "grandma nana" or "grandma banana" and it will probably stick.

I have been thinking much about my next move where I'll live and what I'll be in this next phase of my life. I have been thinking for a long time about getting certified to teach yoga. I would like to teach in a healing environment like to women in recovery or people dealing with cancer or other illnesses. I found an ashram in New York where I can go and live and practice for a full month have a basic certification when I'm done. I have to fill out an application, write a one page essay on why I want to teach yoga and submit a photograph. It feels like a good direction....