The princess is arriving shortly

It's the night before my granddaughter is to be born. Sort of a strange feeling to know that life will change tomorrow with the arrival of this new little soul. Taylor will check into the hospital early in the morning and they will start her labor. She has already begun to dilate and baby girl is in position ready for launch, so it shouldn't take long....

Taylor is understandably nervous but ready too. Her poor little feet are so swollen along with her belly. Her back aches and she moves slowly, saving her energy. She amazes me. She's so strong and so sweet. She takes care of Julian and Dylan each day and doesn't let much get in her way. She is patient and kind to all she comes in contact with. Her children are so lucky to have her as their mom.

Julian has been with me for the last three nights and we've been having a blast swimming in the pool at my building, riding the bus around park city, going on bike rides to the park, and checking out books and movies at the library. I love having him here and seeing the world through his eyes. What a wonderful perspective.

He seems pretty ok with the idea of having a sister but also doesn't want to talk about it too much. How could he, really? He has no idea what that means or what it will be like. But he's about to find out and I think he's going to be an amazing big brother. He loves to help around the house and whenever he sees kids smaller than him, he quickly steps in to help them up the slide or retrieve a dropped toy. He's going to be great.

For now I will get some sleep and dream of this beautiful soul who's making her way here. I want her to know that she is surrounded by people who love her very much and who are wishing her a peaceful and safe journey through the birth canal and into this wacky world we've got going here. We're here to catch her and keep her warm and happy and loved.

I can't wait to meet you, Princess!

dreams

A Circle of Fire
Glows through the night
White hot
As big as the universe
Like a single Olympic ring
Flowing, moving, churning
Clockwise
A soft river
Connecting all that is

I am in the center
Protected
Connected
Devoted
To things bigger than my self

Post Hawaii - back in Utah

As soon as I returned to Utah from Hawaii I jumped full force into the implementation of the great salt lake yoga festival, which I've been working on intermittently since last year. It was a bit of a rough re entry....back to the hot, dry, smoky desert and away from the serene beach life I had been living.  Ahhh so it goes...

The festival turned out great but was a whole lot of work in the final two weeks before launch. We did several tv and print interviews and had to finalize all details. I loved the people I got to work with on the festival. Wonderful souls who were very committed to the success of the event - with no egos involved. What a breath of fresh air.

There were 35 teachers who came from around the globe, all at their own expense and volunteered their time to be there. I was so impressed with the talent they brought and the commitment they had in sharing the practice of yoga. We had 75 classes and workshops and about 500 people came. It was such an amazing weekend.

The day the festival ended I moved into my sweet little studio apartment in park city. I love it here. I'm right in the middle of everything and can walk or bike anywhere I need to go. There's also a great bus system that's free of charge. The leaves are turning and fall is here. It feels like an intense time of evolution and change.

The people I've met have all been so kind and sweet. Magical things have been happening since I got here: I was unloading all the stuff out of my car and a man appeared and said he couldn't let me do it alone and helped me get it all onto the cart and upstairs to the fourth floor. His name was michael. He gave me a hug and a smile and disappeared.

Yesterday i was having breakfast and met a sweet young man who had recently had his leg amputated after a skiing accident. He had the most beautiful smile and the greatest attitude. His heart was wide open and he was so grateful for all he has in his life. He was inspiring!  As I was finishing my conversation with him I felt a tug on my ponytail and there stood my dear friend Ingrid who I haven't seen in a very long time. Wow. What a sweet unexpected reunion with her, her husband Tim and daughter Hannah. They live about 50 miles from here so I never expected to run into them in park city.

I've been getting to spend wonderful time with Julian since I've been here too and that makes me SO happy. He loves coming to grandmas house in park city and we have fun riding bikes and playing games. We haven't been in the pool yet but we soon will :). We are all eagerly anticipating the arrival of his baby sister who he calls "Princess". She will be here anytime. We can't wait to meet her.

Life is so sweet....

Kelani Oceanside Retreat

I'm spending my last two  nights in Hawaii at Kelani - the last bastion of hippy society here at the farthest edge of the of the United States, in the deep green jungle.

Kelani is located on the Big Island, in the district of Puna which is the far Eastern edge of the island. It's gorgeous here. they have 200 acres of protected land, a wonderful staff and programs and a very full volunteer program. they could not run this place without all the wonderful volunteers who live and work here.

They have a full schedule of yoga classes, aquatic classes, healing of all kinds, meditation, and more. The food is delicious and so damn fresh it makes me want to cry.

I spend my days at the pool mostly, or going on a walk around the miles and miles of trails through the jungle, or over to the ocean where I can sit on the point and watch the powerful surges as the waves slam against the volcanic rock cliffs.

this area, like the rest of the island has been covered by lava several times when the glorious goddess Pele decides to let loose a little steam and a lot of lava. Just down the road, a whole village was wiped out in 2003, I believe. The earth is alive here and you can definitely feel that energy. It's vibrant and strong and intense. But pretty cool too.

The community is wonderful. The people who come to Kalani are all looking for healing and it looks to me like they find it easily. From the wonderful food, the great teachers and the superb healers who work here. And of course the clothing optional pool is pretty healing and freeing too. Not to mention the incredible environment - a thick green jungle to play in. flowers to smell, gardens to pick, hammocks that are tied between two trees to swing in, a huge reclining Buddha to sit in wonder and quiet contemplation in front of.

It's such a nice way to end my time in Hawaii. It's been a month of wandering, discovering, playing, exploring, sunning, loving, smiling, dancing, diving, hiking, meditating, yoga-ing, meeting new souls, and just enjoying the hell out of every delicious day.

I am so very grateful for this experience. Grateful to friends who helped make it happen and grateful to me for being curious enough to just go for it, and see what happens, to hand it over, put any fears aside and have another adventure. I am in love with adventure. It feeds my soul, fills my heart and makes me feel ALIVE!

The power of manifestation

We are on a boat, she and I
Friends and sisters from another mother for over 20 years

We speak of our power for manifesting what we want in life
We hope to see dolphins on this outing near the islands of Maui, Molikini and Lanai'i

Soon they are there
40 or more. Newborn babies too.
We cry tears of joy as we watch these amazing creatures play in the water before us
What a gift

Later after lunch we talk of what next
"I would love to see a whale" I say. "It would be amazing to see a shark" says she.

As soon as the words fall from our salt-water-dried and sunburned lips
The captain's handsome voice surrounds us.
"Everyone look over to the starboard side of the boat. Our crew has just spotted a whaleshark."

What a delightful day...

The Big Island

After an amazing three weeks on Maui, I have come to the Big Island. I have much to share about Maui, but I will backtrack later and relate the wonderful experiences there.

I have been on the big island for three nights now. I found a sweet little guesthouse online, and it has great reviews and a great price, so I booked it. It is a sweet house owned by a Korean/Japanese family. The young son, Jade is the primary caretaker. His father is here too but is recovering from knee surgery and he doesn't speak a lot of english, but a very kind man. The house is large, was built in 1930 and has 4 guest rooms. The grounds are large and lush with a Japanese garden made with black lava rock at its center. There are two cats, Snowball and Tiger who have the run of the place. They are so sweet and mellow and loving. There was one other man here for the last two nights but he seems to have left now.

The first night here, I was lulled to sleep by what sounded like millions of little frogs in the yard. The sound grew louder and louder and surrounded and memorized me. I have never heard anything like it. They are a very different kind of frog than the ones I heard in Bali at night. These have a more sing-song quality and I imagine they are no larger than a bug.

My head was full of dreams that first night. Lots and lots of male energy. I was in a car driving up the side of a volcano and couldn't get to the top. The car kept sliding back down again. At one point I was almost to the top and the car toppled over and landed on its roof. In another part of the dream, a man was trying to subdue me. I tried to get past him but he would block my way. He grabbed my arm and put a pin in my wrist, like an acupuncture needle. There was nothing scary about this dream. It felt more like frustration at not being able to go where I needed to go.

In the morning, Jade asked me how I slept. I told him I slept well but had lots of dreams, and told him about them. He said it was very interesting because the man who built the house in 1930 was a doctor and had his practice here for many years. He ended up loosing his life at the nearby volcano......

Things that make you go "hmmm...."

A night on the town

I make the long drive to a well known, well written about restaurant on the beach. After the valet parks my car, I stroll down the beach, through perfect palm trees and immaculate grounds, past goo-goo eyed diners staring at the coming sunset. I find my way to the beautiful wooden bar and take a seat at the end, closest to the open windows. I chat with Michael, the bartender and like all bartenders I've interacted with (all three of them so far), he tells me he makes the best Mai Tai on the island. Since it's happy hour and Mai Tais are always on the menu, I order one. So far, Michael might be right. It was the best damn Mai Tai I believe I've ever had.

I watch as the tourists shimmy, walk and strut themselves down the same path that I did, past the windows where every head is toward the setting sun and the parade route. Wearing their finest island garb, looking healthy and happy from lots of sun, sea and fresh air, they file in. Couples and families, all.
Long, halter style dresses and neon orange seem to be all the rage this season in Maui.

I peruse the menu and am intrigued by the seductive descriptions of the fish and seafood and a little shocked at the price tag. Oh well. It's a treat. I've been cooking and eating at home since I got here so it's a big night out. The menu describes the fish and even names the fisherman who caught it today. I decide to order the Ono, served with a pineapple mango sauce and stuffed with crab. Mmmmm....

After snacking on house made honey wheat bread with sweet butter and sipping my delectable mai tai, my fish arrives, and it was beyond my highest expectation of my first Hawaiian fish meal....oh my...it is served with lemongrass rice and grilled asparagus and I am taken to the heights of food heaven. Every bite was magic in my mouth. I tried not to moan too loud as I sat alone at the bar, but I didn't much mind who may have been listening in. Michael the bartender was pleased that I was so pleased.

After finishing every bite of my meal and practically licking the plate clean, I of course decided to extend my pleasure with dessert. The Polynesian Black Pearl would do just fine. With an espresso chaser. When the plate is placed in front of me, I nearly cry. It is almost too beautiful to eat. The Pearl is a perfect, round mound of chocolate mousse, placed in a gorgeous clam shell shaped pastry crust.

As I sit in the bliss of a gorgeous island sunset and the glorious feeling of having one of the best meals ever in my belly, Michael brings a warm, almond scented hand towel and places it in front of me. I smile a big Cheshire cat smile as I wipe the chocolate sauce from my chin.

M M M Maui

I have been in Maui for one week now. The beauty of this island is mind blowing. The sea air is breathing new  life in my soul. I adore getting up in the morning and going for a long walk on the beach, or taking my journal and a newspaper and my blender breakfast to a park to sit in front of the blue ocean for an hour. I love going to farmer's markets and buying local fruit and produce which tastes like magic. It's great to be able to cook my own food again and get creative in the kitchen. Each day I get in the car and head out, either north or south and explore. I take the snorkle gear, snacks and water and see where I end up. I have covered a lot of ground so far and am enjoying immensely. I feel free and alive and supported by this place. The local people are so nice.There are thousands of people here on vacation, and it hasn't been easy to connect with them, for the most part. Many people on romantic vacations or couples with children surround me.....

I've been surprised and troubled by the lack of Hawaiians and Hawaiian culture here. Maui is all about tourism and very large, very expensive hotels and services. Sunsets and Mai Tais are big business. 

I have been reading about the history of Hawaii so I could understand better what has happened to create the Hawaii of today. it's a very sad history that I had never taken the time to explore before. But it's happened over and over again in civilizations around the world.


I've been to some places on the island where the spirit is very high - my favorites so far are the incredible heights of the volcano Haleakala and the Iao Valley. I felt surrounded by ancient souls in these two spots.I'm looking forward to exploring more.....

Labrynth

The stones open the doorway
to my soul

The spiral invites me inside
winding gently turning
Taking me along

I don't need to know where
just trust
the path is exactly right

Waves crash in time with my heartbeat
The pulse of the prana in my veins

The ancient elders faces
etched in the stones
stand guard

holy holes
windows into the past
A birthing chair at the edge of the sea
where queens brought new life to the tribe

I am floating falling smiling
into the sweet abyss

My Own Private Idaho

The white clouds drape themselves
over the green hills of Idaho
Like the fluffy quilt of my youth
Creating a softness that welcomes us to the volcano fields
We have landed on The Craters of The Moon
Where paths lead us to unknown masses of rock and hardened lava
caves and stairs and bats and boiling cauldrons
In the Land that Time Forgot
Yet here we are
A family of nine
The number of completion
Striking out into the desert heated paths
Finding our way
Julian says the caves are talking to him
"Come inside," they say "Explore our bellies"
Ancient secrets lay buried here
Waiting for us to discover

 

The Yin and the Yang of it

Today, I find myself in Orem, Utah at a dance class at the local recreation center. There are all kinds of people here, but of course the majority is of the conservative Mormon persuasion.

I am proudly wearing my pink Obama/Dalai Lama t-shirt, and during a break in the class, an older woman peers at it curiously and asks who is on my shirt. I tell her, and she recoils a bit with a horrified look and asks "do you actually support them?"

"Yes," I say. "didn't you hear? They're running on the same ticket."

Needless to say, that was the end of our short conversation.
And the music played on......

Pinball Wizard

I loved spending 14 days in (mostly) sunny Tiburon with Chuckie the cat while his parents were in New Orleans for the big jazz festival.

I spend days walking along the path by the San Francisco bay before heading up to sort through things in storage. I cook nice meals in the big kitchen and become obsessed with the Big Guns pinball machine in the corner. I didn't pay much attention to it the last time I stayed here, two years ago. But there it is. I cock my head to one side and look it over, curious....

It sits there alone, a light covering of dust on the top, acting like a used up relic from a long ago era. But no, there's a whole lot of life left in this beautiful work of art. It's plugged in, which is a good sign. I feel under the front, near the legs and there it is. The ON switch. With hope and prayers, I flick the switch, and the magic begins. Lights begin to flash, a deep pirate voice begins to laugh, and the messages begin to flicker across the board....

Instantly I am transported back to when I am 16 years old, working in a pizza parlor in Afton, Wyoming. I take the quarters I have earned in tips from my pocket and drop them in the machine (after dropping some into the juke box to play some Bee Gees, James Taylor, Rod Stewart and Led Zeppelin).

The feel of the flippers, the sound of the metal ball rolling down the board and the boing-boing of the bumpers sending the ball back and forth between them puts a huge smile on my face. My shoulders gets into game as I push the flippers with both hands. It takes a while to get back in the groove, but very soon, I am. I try to get the ball into the place where it automatically drops into a cannon on either side of the board, and shoots it back out again. I try to keep the ball at the top of the board where there is a second set of flippers. I can hit trolls up there and get many extra points. The game teaches me to relax, I don't have to push the flippers with all my might. Just a gentle tap will do. It connects my mind and my body in ways they haven't for a while. I am floating on a pinball cloud of happiness.

After playing about five games in a row, I do some reading about it on this great thing called the internet. I learn that there is a great following of pinball players and that this game is quite well known and somewhat rare.

From Wikipedia:
Big Guns is a 1987 pinball machine designed by Mark Ritchie and Python Anghelo and released by Williams. The theme associated with this particular machine is that you must rescue your queen from king tyrant and his warlords. The game takes place in space. A description on the machine reads:

"Here, in the deepest of space, inside this fortress, our noble Queen is held captive, kidnapped by King Tyrant and his warlords. So, once again, in the eternal struggle of good against evil, we, the brave and the free, must launch the greatest invasion in the known history of the universe, to fight and crush our enemies-for the future of our federation,-and our fair lady's honor-rides on these big guns."

Oh my god. How wonderful is that? I am absolutely delighted with this game and play it every day that I'm there. What a gift.

Now if the Ms. PacMan machine in the other corner would come to life....

The Letting Go

"I came here to let you know
the letting go
has taken place" - Melissa Etheridge

This song has been flowing though my mind this week as I have been spending time each day going through the boxes of my life, all packed and stacked in my storage unit. They've been there for 2.5 years now.  It's been surprisingly easy to look though each one and to put it into its proper pile. One for donations, one to keep and one to throw away. One box at a time....

Each one is a chapter. Each has its own smell, its own feel, its own emotions, its own memories. It flows though my fingers and into its new home....but it stays in my heart and in my being. It has made me who I am now.

I went though a few particularly poignant chapters today: my honeymoon trip to Italy, Greece and Turkey just after the terrorist attacks of 9/11, my first solo trip to Asia in 2009, and a box containing get well cards that I received after having surgery to repair my shattered leg in 2005. I read each letter, looked at each photo, each train and ferry receipt, every museum ticket, menus from each night of the high class cruise, each colorful card that came in the mail to wish me well......and I let them go.

Blessing each piece with my tears and my gratitude, I lay them to rest in effigy alongside many other people's used up memories in the bin behind the building.