Loving Life

Things are going great since I've been back in California. I feel alive, energized, renewed and happy.

I have been housesitting since I returned and it's working out very well. Things keep opening up for me and looks like I may have housesitting jobs through August and perhaps beyond. I love the fact that I am saving so much money, especially since I have no income right now. I feel comfortable living out of a suitcase and keeping my life fluid and open to whatever may come. I have been doing it now for 8 months and it feels just fine.

Each day brings new adventures, new people and new experiences into my life. I thank the universe daily. And I thank my dear friends who let me stay in their guest rooms and on their couches when I need to.

I have been busy volunteering for various organizations, attending fundraising events, doing lots of yoga, getting in touch with past business contacts and taking advantage of all the great things that the Bay area has to offer. There is so much art, classes, festivals, new places to explore and live music, that it's impossible to take it all in. I love it. I look forward to each and every day.

Bookclub

I have been part of a wonderful bookclub for the last three years. My friend Christy came up with the idea and it has been a great thing in both of our lives. Women have come and gone but a core group has been there for quite a while.

This is no ordinary bookclub. We are a group of interesting, funny, smart women who care so much about each other. We are always watching out for each other and we have each others backs.

We met last night and it was so great to see everyone again after two months away. We just finished reading City of Joy which of course meant so much to me after spending time in india and with the author, Domenique Lapierre. Everyone was very moved and touched by this book, me included. I had seen the movie a few times but the book is so much richer and such a great story of people's love and strength in times of such intense adversity. It blows mind when I think of what people in india go through on a daily basis just to survive. Domenique is a very gifted writer and I'm so glad that this book came into our lives.

We haven't chosen our next book but will in the next few days. Whoever hosts the meeting usually gives some suggestions and we all decide what we're in the mood for next. It's always a good, lively discussion no matter what we read and we always have a very fun time together. But we are out of control on the food we bring. There is always WAY too much of it. Always delicious but always lots of leftovers. I was wishing last night that we could send it all to the people in India who have none...

Road trippin'

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. It's been a bit of a whirlwind.

My parents got home from Arizona on the 6th, Susie arrived on the 8th, and it was a revolving door at the house until Susie and I left on the 14th. Julian had been sick with some kind of flu bug and seemed to have brought it with him when they visited and soon, Susie, Mom and Teresa were down for count. Really sick for a few days. It was pretty awful. I felt so bad for them. They all recovered after a few days thankfully.

I was able to spend some good time with my family and friends. Teresa and I got tattoos at a great little place in Provo called The Painted Temple. Teresa got the Hindi word for "Faith" on her forearm. It's beautiful. She was a little nervous about her first tattoo but it was a great experience for her. I got a wonderful Kanji symbol that means "grandson" along with Julian's birth date tattooed on my right shoulder. I am so happy with it and am glad I got it. He means the world to me.

On Wednesday, the 14th, Susie and I set out in the direction of California. We spent the first night in Las Vegas and the next day headed into Death Valley. Neither of us had been there before and didn't really know what to expect. It was gorgeous. We found a sweet little room at the Longstreet Hotel and Casino outside the park and then spend a very hot day exploring Badwater Basin and Furnace Creek. We got back to the motel just before sunset, got our rum drinks in hand and sat out by the pond with ducks, geese and fake deer and watched glorious nature do her thing. It was fantastic.

The next day we explored the ghost town of Rhyolite which was fascinating. There are a lot of remains of old buildings of the town of 10,000 during the gold rush and an exquisite open air museum with amazing sculptures and a labyrinth. I loved it there. So much beauty among the rocks and dust.

We went to Scotty's castle and did a tour, then drove through the sand dunes, and Panamint Springs and ended up in Lone Pine, California for the night. We ate sesame snacks and cheese for dinner along with rum and juice and had an ok night's sleep.

The next day we explored the town of Bishop, went to an art gallery and a yummy bakery for lunch and then headed toward the town of Jackson, California in the gold country. We got a wonderful little room at the Country Squire motel, had drinks at Teresa's restaurant and slept well. The man at the motel was so nice and happened to be from Tiburon, where Susie lives. We had a nice visit with him, a great walk through the town and delicious breakfast at a local diner before hitting the road again. We drove down highway 49 and took a detour to Murphy's where we did a little shopping and walking before the drive back to the bay area. It was such a wonderful road trip with Susie. We drove 1600 miles together and we both loved it.

Now back in Marin and I feel very happy and excited (and a little nervous) about what's next. I have a couple of housesitting gigs while looking for a place of my own. I'm sure it will all work out exactly the way it's supposed to....

Salt Lake, Las Vegas, Park City, Orem

I've had a lot of fun travel this week. Went to Las Vegas with my friend Amber, who was going on a business trip and she let me tag along. It was really nice to spend some good, low-key time with her. We were laughing about how we used to go to Vegas and party non stop for 4 days and now we'd rather be in comfy clothes and order room service. Times change, and that is definitely ok. We have known each other for 20 years now and have had some amazing adventures together. Amber had a nice room, car and other perks from her company so it was really great for me. We had some wonderful meals, did a little gambling and went to a spa for the most amazing facials ever. Very relaxing, and very healing.

When we got back to Salt Lake, we drove to Park City to go to dinner and celebrate Amber's daughter Devan's birthday. It was fun to see old friends and we had the most amazing meal at the St. Regis, where Devan works as a pastry chef. The hotel is one of the most beautiful I've ever seen. It was snowing pretty hard and we all felt cozy and happy inside with nice wine and delicious food. I am very blessed and very lucky. It's hard not to feel guilty when I am in a place like that, knowing how my friends in other parts of the world live. It is beyond extravagant.

After dinner we went to a bar on Main Street in Park City and had some birthday drinks. The same one where I met my first husband in 1990. Weird.

We spent the night at Devan's cute little apartment and talked and laughed and watched movies until the wee hours. Devan had accidentally locked us out and had to crawl through the window in her beautiful birthday dress. It was pretty darn funny.

Back to Orem now and getting things ready for Mom and Dad's return from Arizona. Can't wait to see them in a few days!

Had planned to have Easter brunch with Taylor, Julian and Dylan but Julian is really sick today so they had to cancel. Poor Taylor is so worried about him. I sure hope he gets feeling better soon.

Racy Brain

I couldn't sleep last night. My brain was all racy with all kinds of thoughts bouncing around. When I finally got to sleep around 3 am I woke up two hours later, this time with my heart racing. I had a nightmare about my previous landlord, Tiffany O'Hara. It scared the shit out of me. She was very real, very menacing and very scary. (as she is in real life)

She has been in my thoughts lately because when I get back to California I need to put the wheels in motion to get the money back that she stole from me by keeping my rental deposit. Not looking forward to it or to being in the same room with her. But it's always good to face our demons head on, isn't it?

The circle of life

Majestic snow capped mountains stand guard
Their reflection looks back at me in the cool, clear water
My shadow looking over the edge
a bubble is forced to the surface by an unknown breather
bursting as air meets air
a perfect circle begins
It gets larger and larger
never ending
never breaking
another forms and joins it
overlapping
dancing
swaying
on top of the water
We are all part of this circle
We are all one
Haiti
Africa
India
Tibet
Afghanistan
Nepal
America
We are part of the same family

What happened to March?

Boy, this month has flown by. It seems like we were just celebrating Taylor's birthday on the 2nd and now here it is, almost the end of the month.

I'm winding down my time here and it's good and strange too. I have loved being in Utah but feel like I must get a move-on with whatever I'm doing next. I need to get back to California and get back into my business networks and back with my friends there. I am missing my girlfriends very much. I miss the weather and the food there too. And I miss the ocean. And the cable car. And the wine country. And the live music. And the festivals.

I'm going on a little overnight trip to Wendover (we used to call it "Bend-over") with my friend Sandra and her boyfriend and about 40 of his friends and family. Should be lots of fun. Then when I get back, I'll jet off to Vegas for a few days with my friend Amber. It will be nice. Then, mom and dad will be back from their winter in Arizona and I can't wait to see them. Susie will come out a few days later and we'll head back to California in my car. We plan to take several days and hit some of the beautiful places along the way. I'm looking forward to that.

Austin Texas

I went to Austin last weekend with my friends Amber and Trieste. It was the SXSW Film Festival and Trieste's daughter, Trieste Kelly Dunn was in a film that premiered there.

I had never been to Austin before and was excited to be there. It was much as I had heard and imagined with would be: a very cool town with lots of great music and great food. Everyone seemed to be very kicked back and relaxed and there were lots of people in their 30's running around. Many of the young girls were wearing very short dresses and the highest hooker heels I've ever seen. It was like a contest to see who could wear the least clothing and get the most altitude on their shoes. I guess if I had the body and the balance, I would take advantage of it too. But they will learn later on how very important comfort is :)

We stayed at a friend of a friend's house outside of Austin. They were out of town and let us use their place which was pretty incredible. It had a nice pool and hot tub, a movie theatre, exercise room, many bedrooms and lots and lots of space. It was very kind of them to let us stay there.

It was so much fun to be with my friends again. We used to travel a lot together and haven't done it for many years. We stayed up late, drank a lot and laughed a whole lot. It was great and I'm happy to have such dear friends in my life. And I am so proud of Kelly. She is a wonderful actress and has worked really hard to get some great roles. It's great to see her progress. I'm sure there is nothing but great things to come for her. She'll be at the San Francisco International Film Festival next with this current film, Cold Weather.

The smell of India is fading....

The smell of India sneaks up out of my backpack sometimes. It's a smell that I never liked while I was there but now when I smell it, it makes me very happy and nostalgic. It reminds me of the transformational time I had, the friends I made, the experiences I had and it makes me miss the hell out of it. Each time I open my backpack to get my laptop out, I realize the smell is fading. I want to try desperately to hold on it it. To make it stay. That way maybe the memories will stay fresh in my mind.

I brought back some beautiful quilts that were made by the women at New Light Shelter and they also carry the rich smell of India. I have not been able to bring myself to wash them. I don't want to wash away smell or the touch of the women who made them. But their smell too is slowly being replaced by the smells of America and my mom's house. Coffee, vanilla candles, the bananas that Julian eats and snow.

I sort of miss being on the road. And I feel myself getting antsy. I miss the adventure and I miss my friends there. It's funny how we seem to always want what we don't have. When I was in India I missed my family and my friends here so much, I ached.

My friend Arnab in India calls me a few times a week and it's so great. He tells me what's happening with the girls at Soma Home and the kids at New Light Shelter. The girls at Soma Home all had their final exams to move to the next grade level and every one of them passed. They are so excited and proud.

Little baby Godee, who was found in the gutter outside of New Light Shelter a few days before I left, is doing great and is thriving and healthy. Little Coco, who's mother passed away a few months ago and is being taken care of by the wonderful staff at New Light is also doing great. She is such a beautiful little girl of about 8 months. She has a powerful light in her eyes and an amazing spirit.

Well, I'm being kicked out of the coffee shop I"m in so I must post this now. Everything in Utah seems to close early. More later...

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I am still enjoying my time in here Utah for the most part. There are things about this state and this town that drive me crazy, but it sure is beautiful here.

Taylor, Julian, Dylan and my sister Teresa were all here last weekend. We went to Salt Lake on the train, went to the planetarium, cooked together, watched the Olympics and just enjoyed each other. I loved seeing Neil Young sing "Long May You Run" at the closing ceremonies. It was perfect. Yesterday was Taylor's birthday and I made chocolate raspberry pancakes for breakfast and we went to the mall for a while before Julian gave out and it was time to go.

It's been so fun and rejuvenating to spend time with Julian. He is always on the go and so curious about everything. In his lightening fast pace, he teaches me to slow down and look around me at all the little things that make up the world. There is so much that we don't pay attention to like a child. He doesn't talk much but communicates all that he needs to. I'm sure one of these first days he is going to burst out in full sentences, and start talking up a storm. I adore him so much. He is on the verge of saying "grandma", I'm just sure of it. Taylor tells Julian to call me "grandma nana" or "grandma banana" and it will probably stick.

I have been thinking much about my next move where I'll live and what I'll be in this next phase of my life. I have been thinking for a long time about getting certified to teach yoga. I would like to teach in a healing environment like to women in recovery or people dealing with cancer or other illnesses. I found an ashram in New York where I can go and live and practice for a full month have a basic certification when I'm done. I have to fill out an application, write a one page essay on why I want to teach yoga and submit a photograph. It feels like a good direction....

Winter in Utah

It's nice to be here in the crisp, cold air. It feels like it's clearing my brain a little.

I had a great weekend with Taylor, Julian and Dylan. We went to the Dinosaur Museum and Julian had so much fun. He was pretty upset when it was time to go. He is so cute and so curious about everything. He goes at lightening speed from one thing to the next and it's a challenge to keep up. The three of us cooked a lot together, watched movies and played with Julian. It was pretty cold outside so it prevented us from doing some things.

Today it was gorgeous and clear so I took a nice drive up to Sundance and had a delicious lunch. I have a friend who works there and it was good to see him again. I sat outside where they have a fire going at the base of the ski lift and had a nice conversation with a man and his son about India and the state of our world. It was really interesting. Now I am at the business center doing some work that I need to catch up on. I'm writing up some proposals for some of the projects I worked on in India. I hope to help them raise some much needed money.

Everything is going great in Utah. I have loved spending time with Julian and getting to know him again. We defintely have a deep bond that won't be forgotten no matter how much time passes. He knows me and I know him on a soul level.

I have gone to a couple of challenging yoga classes and went to a booksigning of a friend who wrote a book on raw food and green smoothies. It got me very pumped to get myself and my body back in better shape and nurture it after the beating it's taken the last several months. I went right out and bought lots of leafy greens and have been experimenting. The drinks are actually quite tasty and SO good for you.

Since I got back I have been filling myself with all the things I've missed: hamburgers, chocolate, cheese, wine. I need to find a good balance and get some good nutritional stuff in ther too. I feel like I'm headed in a good direction.

I arrived in Utah last Friday after a very pleasant 2 day drive through s. Cal and las Vegas. My friend Jennie sue joined me and we laughed and talked all the way. It's so great to be here and I feel like I can finally fully relax. Seeing Taylor and Julian has been the highlight so far. He has gotten so big since I last saw him. He's so funny ans loves to run and play. And so do I! Utah is cold and beautiful. It's a nice change of pace. I can just chill here for a while and figure out my next steps. Right now I have no idea where they will lead me.......