Friday, December 21, 2012

The longest night

It's December 21st. The Winter Solstice. People all over the world are celebrating and honoring this auspicious day. I have honored it in my own way - by being very quiet and listening to the strong vibrations of the universe. They have much to tell us. Stories as old as time. We've forgotten what we once knew. But now is the time to remember. To heal. To wake up. To acknowledge the beautiful fabric that we are all a part of.

I will meet up with friends tonight to stretch together on our yoga mats, dance, sing, pray and enjoy all the many blessings we share.

Namaste
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

Monday, December 17, 2012

Baby It's Cold Outside

The rain falls in buckets and sheets
The mountains light up
with the lightning's dance
The thunder shakes my soul

Suddenly the rain turns to snow
Fat white flakes falling
softly turning
Sticking to my coat
and the car windshield

We hurry home
Bellies full of delectable food

We tuck in for the night
and hold each other tight

We awake to thick ice and snow
car doors frozen shut
We scrape and scrape
The crisp air
and sunshine
caressing our faces

Beautiful is the morning

We go for breakfast
Steaming eggs and roasted coffee
And a stroll through town

Our lips linger
As we say goodbye

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Mr President

Congratulations Barack Obama. Four more years. I feel so incredibly relieved and happy. I'm wishing you much success on a difficult job and may everyone join together for the greater good....

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Road is My Middle Name

I borrowed this title from one of my favorite Bonnie Raitt songs and it seems appropriate.

I love travel and adventure and looking forward to the next one, which will be a road trip to California. I have been in Utah now for several months and it's become clear that it's where I need to be. It's time to make a trip back to the Bay Area and retrieve my belongings which have been safely tucked away for almost exactly three years now. The thought of having all of my things around me and accessible after so long makes me a little giddy. I also have moments that border on terror at the thought of being in one place, but realize that it doesn't mean I can't have the freedom to roam like I have in the recent past. I have been a little scared to stay still for too long, but now have found so much peace and joy in the stillness.

People and events have unfolded that make me know without a doubt that I am in the right place at the right time (as always). All I need to do is continue to listen.

Everything is revealed in the silent moments.

It is the Fall season and I feel full and abundant. What a great harvest it is. Everything has led me to this moment and it is so beautiful and so perfect. A safe and happy landing.....

Om Shanti  Shanti  Shanti

Monday, October 8, 2012

The Greatest Journey

Early in the morning, before the sun rises
the journey begins
steril, bright lights, television blaring
waiting, wondering, contracting
napping, visiting, crying

tired she is so tired
worrying about everyone
and how long it's taking
don't worry. just rest.
is it time yet?
she's not ready
hiding in her warm safe place
scared to come out
what's waiting on the other side?

patiently, excitedly, we wait
as she slowly, painfully makes her way
she slips through easily
a portal in time and space
a doorway
and she is born
at the perfect moment

white cream coating her tiny body
black hair atop her perfect head
little kitten cries
as she wonders
whats happening here
its so bright

we stare in wonder
crying at the beauty
a counsel of elders
to catch her
to make her safe
four generations
and the spirits of our ancestors
there to greet the new princess

nothing will ever be the same
the world is more beautiful
now that she is here


Sunday, September 23, 2012

The princess is arriving shortly

It's the night before my granddaughter is to be born. Sort of a strange feeling to know that life will change tomorrow with the arrival of this new little soul. Taylor will check into the hospital early in the morning and they will start her labor. She has already begun to dilate and baby girl is in position ready for launch, so it shouldn't take long....

Taylor is understandably nervous but ready too. Her poor little feet are so swollen along with her belly. Her back aches and she moves slowly, saving her energy. She amazes me. She's so strong and so sweet. She takes care of Julian and Dylan each day and doesn't let much get in her way. She is patient and kind to all she comes in contact with. Her children are so lucky to have her as their mom.

Julian has been with me for the last three nights and we've been having a blast swimming in the pool at my building, riding the bus around park city, going on bike rides to the park, and checking out books and movies at the library. I love having him here and seeing the world through his eyes. What a wonderful perspective.

He seems pretty ok with the idea of having a sister but also doesn't want to talk about it too much. How could he, really? He has no idea what that means or what it will be like. But he's about to find out and I think he's going to be an amazing big brother. He loves to help around the house and whenever he sees kids smaller than him, he quickly steps in to help them up the slide or retrieve a dropped toy. He's going to be great.

For now I will get some sleep and dream of this beautiful soul who's making her way here. I want her to know that she is surrounded by people who love her very much and who are wishing her a peaceful and safe journey through the birth canal and into this wacky world we've got going here. We're here to catch her and keep her warm and happy and loved.

I can't wait to meet you, Princess!

Monday, September 17, 2012

dreams

A Circle of Fire
Glows through the night
White hot
As big as the universe
Like a single Olympic ring
Flowing, moving, churning
Clockwise
A soft river
Connecting all that is

I am in the center
Protected
Connected
Devoted
To things bigger than my self



Sunday, September 9, 2012

Post Hawaii - back in Utah

As soon as I returned to Utah from Hawaii I jumped full force into the implementation of the great salt lake yoga festival, which I've been working on intermittently since last year. It was a bit of a rough re entry....back to the hot, dry, smoky desert and away from the serene beach life I had been living.  Ahhh so it goes...

The festival turned out great but was a whole lot of work in the final two weeks before launch. We did several tv and print interviews and had to finalize all details. I loved the people I got to work with on the festival. Wonderful souls who were very committed to the success of the event - with no egos involved. What a breath of fresh air.

There were 35 teachers who came from around the globe, all at their own expense and volunteered their time to be there. I was so impressed with the talent they brought and the commitment they had in sharing the practice of yoga. We had 75 classes and workshops and about 500 people came. It was such an amazing weekend.

The day the festival ended I moved into my sweet little studio apartment in park city. I love it here. I'm right in the middle of everything and can walk or bike anywhere I need to go. There's also a great bus system that's free of charge. The leaves are turning and fall is here. It feels like an intense time of evolution and change.

The people I've met have all been so kind and sweet. Magical things have been happening since I got here: I was unloading all the stuff out of my car and a man appeared and said he couldn't let me do it alone and helped me get it all onto the cart and upstairs to the fourth floor. His name was michael. He gave me a hug and a smile and disappeared.

Yesterday i was having breakfast and met a sweet young man who had recently had his leg amputated after a skiing accident. He had the most beautiful smile and the greatest attitude. His heart was wide open and he was so grateful for all he has in his life. He was inspiring!  As I was finishing my conversation with him I felt a tug on my ponytail and there stood my dear friend Ingrid who I haven't seen in a very long time. Wow. What a sweet unexpected reunion with her, her husband Tim and daughter Hannah. They live about 50 miles from here so I never expected to run into them in park city.

I've been getting to spend wonderful time with Julian since I've been here too and that makes me SO happy. He loves coming to grandmas house in park city and we have fun riding bikes and playing games. We haven't been in the pool yet but we soon will :). We are all eagerly anticipating the arrival of his baby sister who he calls "Princess". She will be here anytime. We can't wait to meet her.

Life is so sweet....

Friday, August 17, 2012

Kelani Oceanside Retreat

I'm spending my last two  nights in Hawaii at Kelani - the last bastion of hippy society here at the farthest edge of the of the United States, in the deep green jungle.

Kelani is located on the Big Island, in the district of Puna which is the far Eastern edge of the island. It's gorgeous here. they have 200 acres of protected land, a wonderful staff and programs and a very full volunteer program. they could not run this place without all the wonderful volunteers who live and work here.

They have a full schedule of yoga classes, aquatic classes, healing of all kinds, meditation, and more. The food is delicious and so damn fresh it makes me want to cry.

I spend my days at the pool mostly, or going on a walk around the miles and miles of trails through the jungle, or over to the ocean where I can sit on the point and watch the powerful surges as the waves slam against the volcanic rock cliffs.

this area, like the rest of the island has been covered by lava several times when the glorious goddess Pele decides to let loose a little steam and a lot of lava. Just down the road, a whole village was wiped out in 2003, I believe. The earth is alive here and you can definitely feel that energy. It's vibrant and strong and intense. But pretty cool too.

The community is wonderful. The people who come to Kalani are all looking for healing and it looks to me like they find it easily. From the wonderful food, the great teachers and the superb healers who work here. And of course the clothing optional pool is pretty healing and freeing too. Not to mention the incredible environment - a thick green jungle to play in. flowers to smell, gardens to pick, hammocks that are tied between two trees to swing in, a huge reclining Buddha to sit in wonder and quiet contemplation in front of.

It's such a nice way to end my time in Hawaii. It's been a month of wandering, discovering, playing, exploring, sunning, loving, smiling, dancing, diving, hiking, meditating, yoga-ing, meeting new souls, and just enjoying the hell out of every delicious day.

I am so very grateful for this experience. Grateful to friends who helped make it happen and grateful to me for being curious enough to just go for it, and see what happens, to hand it over, put any fears aside and have another adventure. I am in love with adventure. It feeds my soul, fills my heart and makes me feel ALIVE!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

The power of manifestation

We are on a boat, she and I
Friends and sisters from another mother for over 20 years

We speak of our power for manifesting what we want in life
We hope to see dolphins on this outing near the islands of Maui, Molikini and Lanai'i

Soon they are there
40 or more. Newborn babies too.
We cry tears of joy as we watch these amazing creatures play in the water before us
What a gift

Later after lunch we talk of what next
"I would love to see a whale" I say. "It would be amazing to see a shark" says she.

As soon as the words fall from our salt-water-dried and sunburned lips
The captain's handsome voice surrounds us.
"Everyone look over to the starboard side of the boat. Our crew has just spotted a whaleshark."

What a delightful day...

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Big Island

After an amazing three weeks on Maui, I have come to the Big Island. I have much to share about Maui, but I will backtrack later and relate the wonderful experiences there.

I have been on the big island for three nights now. I found a sweet little guesthouse online, and it has great reviews and a great price, so I booked it. It is a sweet house owned by a Korean/Japanese family. The young son, Jade is the primary caretaker. His father is here too but is recovering from knee surgery and he doesn't speak a lot of english, but a very kind man. The house is large, was built in 1930 and has 4 guest rooms. The grounds are large and lush with a Japanese garden made with black lava rock at its center. There are two cats, Snowball and Tiger who have the run of the place. They are so sweet and mellow and loving. There was one other man here for the last two nights but he seems to have left now.

The first night here, I was lulled to sleep by what sounded like millions of little frogs in the yard. The sound grew louder and louder and surrounded and memorized me. I have never heard anything like it. They are a very different kind of frog than the ones I heard in Bali at night. These have a more sing-song quality and I imagine they are no larger than a bug.

My head was full of dreams that first night. Lots and lots of male energy. I was in a car driving up the side of a volcano and couldn't get to the top. The car kept sliding back down again. At one point I was almost to the top and the car toppled over and landed on its roof. In another part of the dream, a man was trying to subdue me. I tried to get past him but he would block my way. He grabbed my arm and put a pin in my wrist, like an acupuncture needle. There was nothing scary about this dream. It felt more like frustration at not being able to go where I needed to go.

In the morning, Jade asked me how I slept. I told him I slept well but had lots of dreams, and told him about them. He said it was very interesting because the man who built the house in 1930 was a doctor and had his practice here for many years. He ended up loosing his life at the nearby volcano......

Things that make you go "hmmm...."

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A night on the town

I make the long drive to a well known, well written about restaurant on the beach. After the valet parks my car, I stroll down the beach, through perfect palm trees and immaculate grounds, past goo-goo eyed diners staring at the coming sunset. I find my way to the beautiful wooden bar and take a seat at the end, closest to the open windows. I chat with Michael, the bartender and like all bartenders I've interacted with (all three of them so far), he tells me he makes the best Mai Tai on the island. Since it's happy hour and Mai Tais are always on the menu, I order one. So far, Michael might be right. It was the best damn Mai Tai I believe I've ever had.

I watch as the tourists shimmy, walk and strut themselves down the same path that I did, past the windows where every head is toward the setting sun and the parade route. Wearing their finest island garb, looking healthy and happy from lots of sun, sea and fresh air, they file in. Couples and families, all.
Long, halter style dresses and neon orange seem to be all the rage this season in Maui.

I peruse the menu and am intrigued by the seductive descriptions of the fish and seafood and a little shocked at the price tag. Oh well. It's a treat. I've been cooking and eating at home since I got here so it's a big night out. The menu describes the fish and even names the fisherman who caught it today. I decide to order the Ono, served with a pineapple mango sauce and stuffed with crab. Mmmmm....

After snacking on house made honey wheat bread with sweet butter and sipping my delectable mai tai, my fish arrives, and it was beyond my highest expectation of my first Hawaiian fish meal....oh my...it is served with lemongrass rice and grilled asparagus and I am taken to the heights of food heaven. Every bite was magic in my mouth. I tried not to moan too loud as I sat alone at the bar, but I didn't much mind who may have been listening in. Michael the bartender was pleased that I was so pleased.

After finishing every bite of my meal and practically licking the plate clean, I of course decided to extend my pleasure with dessert. The Polynesian Black Pearl would do just fine. With an espresso chaser. When the plate is placed in front of me, I nearly cry. It is almost too beautiful to eat. The Pearl is a perfect, round mound of chocolate mousse, placed in a gorgeous clam shell shaped pastry crust.

As I sit in the bliss of a gorgeous island sunset and the glorious feeling of having one of the best meals ever in my belly, Michael brings a warm, almond scented hand towel and places it in front of me. I smile a big Cheshire cat smile as I wipe the chocolate sauce from my chin.


Thursday, July 26, 2012

M M M Maui


I have been in Maui for one week now. The beauty of this island is mind blowing. The sea air is breathing new  life in my soul. I adore getting up in the morning and going for a long walk on the beach, or taking my journal and a newspaper and my blender breakfast to a park to sit in front of the blue ocean for an hour. I love going to farmer's markets and buying local fruit and produce which tastes like magic. It's great to be able to cook my own food again and get creative in the kitchen. Each day I get in the car and head out, either north or south and explore. I take the snorkle gear, snacks and water and see where I end up. I have covered a lot of ground so far and am enjoying immensely. I feel free and alive and supported by this place. The local people are so nice.There are thousands of people here on vacation, and it hasn't been easy to connect with them, for the most part. Many people on romantic vacations or couples with children surround me.....

I've been surprised and troubled by the lack of Hawaiians and Hawaiian culture here. Maui is all about tourism and very large, very expensive hotels and services. Sunsets and Mai Tais are big business. 
I have been reading about the history of Hawaii so I could understand better what has happened to create the Hawaii of today. it's a very sad history that I had never taken the time to explore before. But it's happened over and over again in civilizations around the world.


I've been to some places on the island where the spirit is very high - my favorites so far are the incredible heights of the volcano Haleakala and the Iao Valley. I felt surrounded by ancient souls in these two spots.I'm looking forward to exploring more.....

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Labrynth

The stones open the doorway
to my soul

The spiral invites me inside
winding gently turning
Taking me along

I don't need to know where
just trust
the path is exactly right

Waves crash in time with my heartbeat
The pulse of the prana in my veins

The ancient elders faces
etched in the stones
stand guard

holy holes
windows into the past
A birthing chair at the edge of the sea
where queens brought new life to the tribe

I am floating falling smiling
into the sweet abyss





Thursday, June 28, 2012

My Own Private Idaho

The white clouds drape themselves
over the green hills of Idaho
Like the fluffy quilt of my youth
Creating a softness that welcomes us to the volcano fields
We have landed on The Craters of The Moon
Where paths lead us to unknown masses of rock and hardened lava
caves and stairs and bats and boiling cauldrons
In the Land that Time Forgot
Yet here we are
A family of nine
The number of completion
Striking out into the desert heated paths
Finding our way
Julian says the caves are talking to him
"Come inside," they say "Explore our bellies"
Ancient secrets lay buried here
Waiting for us to discover





 

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Yin and the Yang of it

Today, I find myself in Orem, Utah at a dance class at the local recreation center. There are all kinds of people here, but of course the majority is of the conservative Mormon persuasion.

I am proudly wearing my pink Obama/Dalai Lama t-shirt, and during a break in the class, an older woman peers at it curiously and asks who is on my shirt. I tell her, and she recoils a bit with a horrified look and asks "do you actually support them?"

"Yes," I say. "didn't you hear? They're running on the same ticket."

Needless to say, that was the end of our short conversation.
And the music played on......


Monday, May 14, 2012

Pinball Wizard

I loved spending 14 days in (mostly) sunny Tiburon with Chuckie the cat while his parents were in New Orleans for the big jazz festival.

I spend days walking along the path by the San Francisco bay before heading up to sort through things in storage. I cook nice meals in the big kitchen and become obsessed with the Big Guns pinball machine in the corner. I didn't pay much attention to it the last time I stayed here, two years ago. But there it is. I cock my head to one side and look it over, curious....

It sits there alone, a light covering of dust on the top, acting like a used up relic from a long ago era. But no, there's a whole lot of life left in this beautiful work of art. It's plugged in, which is a good sign. I feel under the front, near the legs and there it is. The ON switch. With hope and prayers, I flick the switch, and the magic begins. Lights begin to flash, a deep pirate voice begins to laugh, and the messages begin to flicker across the board....

Instantly I am transported back to when I am 16 years old, working in a pizza parlor in Afton, Wyoming. I take the quarters I have earned in tips from my pocket and drop them in the machine (after dropping some into the juke box to play some Bee Gees, James Taylor, Rod Stewart and Led Zeppelin).

The feel of the flippers, the sound of the metal ball rolling down the board and the boing-boing of the bumpers sending the ball back and forth between them puts a huge smile on my face. My shoulders gets into game as I push the flippers with both hands. It takes a while to get back in the groove, but very soon, I am. I try to get the ball into the place where it automatically drops into a cannon on either side of the board, and shoots it back out again. I try to keep the ball at the top of the board where there is a second set of flippers. I can hit trolls up there and get many extra points. The game teaches me to relax, I don't have to push the flippers with all my might. Just a gentle tap will do. It connects my mind and my body in ways they haven't for a while. I am floating on a pinball cloud of happiness.

After playing about five games in a row, I do some reading about it on this great thing called the internet. I learn that there is a great following of pinball players and that this game is quite well known and somewhat rare.

From Wikipedia:
Big Guns is a 1987 pinball machine designed by Mark Ritchie and Python Anghelo and released by Williams. The theme associated with this particular machine is that you must rescue your queen from king tyrant and his warlords. The game takes place in space. A description on the machine reads:
"Here, in the deepest of space, inside this fortress, our noble Queen is held captive, kidnapped by King Tyrant and his warlords. So, once again, in the eternal struggle of good against evil, we, the brave and the free, must launch the greatest invasion in the known history of the universe, to fight and crush our enemies-for the future of our federation,-and our fair lady's honor-rides on these big guns."
Oh my god. How wonderful is that? I am absolutely delighted with this game and play it every day that I'm there. What a gift.

Now if the Ms. PacMan machine in the other corner would come to life....


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Letting Go

"I came here to let you know
the letting go
has taken place" - Melissa Etheridge

This song has been flowing though my mind this week as I have been spending time each day going through the boxes of my life, all packed and stacked in my storage unit. They've been there for 2.5 years now.  It's been surprisingly easy to look though each one and to put it into its proper pile. One for donations, one to keep and one to throw away. One box at a time....

Each one is a chapter. Each has its own smell, its own feel, its own emotions, its own memories. It flows though my fingers and into its new home....but it stays in my heart and in my being. It has made me who I am now.

I went though a few particularly poignant chapters today: my honeymoon trip to Italy, Greece and Turkey just after the terrorist attacks of 9/11, my first solo trip to Asia in 2009, and a box containing get well cards that I received after having surgery to repair my shattered leg in 2005. I read each letter, looked at each photo, each train and ferry receipt, every museum ticket, menus from each night of the high class cruise, each colorful card that came in the mail to wish me well......and I let them go.

Blessing each piece with my tears and my gratitude, I lay them to rest in effigy alongside many other people's used up memories in the bin behind the building.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Damn This Traffic Jam

Hot metal boxes
Steel prison cells
One person to a room

Rubber tires melting
Anger rising
Flowing out through open windows

Horns blaring
Hoping the ear-piercing sound
will magically make the metal move

Don't you understand?
I have to be somewhere RIGHT NOW
My time is more important
Just looking out for number one

Where is everybody going?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

That's a wrap

As I'm winding up my time here in HEALdsburg, I am amazed at the blessings it has brought to me. I have spent the last four weeks going on long walks up the steep hills every day, going to yoga every other day, eating very well and getting lots of sleep. It's been such a healing experience.

I have watched Winter turn to Spring and the amazing displays of color that surround the hills and the neighborhoods. There are so many kinds of flowers and plants, birds and grasses. Each day I pick a few flowers to bring back and put in the little vase on the window sill in the kitchen.

Everyone I have met has been such kind hearted souls. From the sweet neighbors, Suzy and Wayne who took me out for dinner, to the Portuguese man, Paulo at the shoe store, to the Nepalese couple at the Indian restaurant to the incredible community at World Peace Yoga studio. They have taken me in and made me feel like family.   

I'm going to miss little Miss Coco when I go. She has taught me a lot and we've become great pals. We know each other quite well by now and can speak without speaking, it seems. She has her anger issues and I've learned to be patient with her. Most of the time....But because she's so protective, it gives me great comfort and freedom to roam the furthest trails that I would not normally go alone. We are getting wonderful exercise together and I think we're both looking just a little more sleek for it.

She follows me around like a, well, like a puppy, and watches my every move with curiosity and the hope of another walk or a game of ball. At night after I'm asleep, she scoots her little doggie bed across the floor and closer to me.  She has gotten on my sleeping schedule and we both peacefully arise around 9 am each day. When I get in the shower, she lays on the bathroom rug and waits while doing her funny little up-dog yoga poses.

We have worn a path through the backyard grass playing toss the ball, which is now in shreds. So I guess it's time for me to go.

Thank you Coco. Thank you Healdsburg.


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Coco Chanel

She sniffs at the air
with her super-charged snout
black ears down, eyes relaxed
in the morning sun's rays

Doggie meditation

The chorus of birds
talks over the morning gossip
What's going on in the neighborhood

She looks around to make sure I am still there
We've come to depend on each other
for comfort

She is ready for her exercise long before I am
Please let me finish my tea

She begins to pace and whine
and looks at her long red leash
That holds her back
yet gives her so much freedom
to roam the 'hoods and hills
of her home in Healdsburg

Monday, April 9, 2012

15 things that happy people do differently

I posted this link on Facebook today, but thought it was important enough that I wanted to share it here as well.  It really resonated with me and I love the way Dana writes in her blog PurposeFairy. 
Being happy and bringing positive energy into our lives is definitely a choice. Not always an easy one when sadness inevitably takes over some days. But if we can live in love and trust it can make a huge difference. And don't forget to always dream BIG. 
Thank you, Dana!


What is the difference between happy people and unhappy people? Of course, it may be very obvious, happy people are happy while unhappy people are unhappy, right? Well, that is correct, but we want to know what are the things that these people do differently and that is why, I have put together a list of things that HAPPY people do differently than UNHAPPY people.
1. LOVE vs. FEAR. Well, I can tell you for sure that those people who are really happy, FEAR less and LOVE a lot more. They see each moment, each challenge, each person as an opportunity to discover more about themselves and the world around them.
2. ACCEPTANCE vs. RESISTANCE.  Happy people understand that you can’t really change a situation by resisting it, but you can definitely change it by accepting that it is there and by understanding that there might be a reason for its existence. When something unpleasant happens to them, they don’t try to fight it, knowing that this will make the situation even worse, but rather, they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I make this better? and they go from there, focusing on the positive rather than on the negative. They always seem to see the glass half full no matter what happens to them.
3. FORGIVENESS vs. UNFORGIVENESS. Really happy people know that it’s not healthy to hold on to anger. They choose to FORGIVE and FORGET, understanding that FORGIVENESS is  a gift they give to themselves first and foremost.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”Buddha
4. TRUST vs. DOUBT. They trust themselves and they trust the people around them. No matter if they talk to the cleaning lady or the C.E.O. of a multi billion company, somehow they always seem make the person they are interacting with feel like there is something unique and special about them.
They understand that beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies, and because of that, they make sure to treat everybody with love, dignity and respect, making no distinctions between age, sex, social status, color, religion or race. These are the great men that Mark Twain was talking about: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Mark Twain
5. MEANING vs. AMBITION.  They do the things they do because of the meaning it brings into their lives and because they get a sense of purpose by doing so. They understand that “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life” like Wayne Dyer puts it, and they care more about living a life full of meaning rather than, what in our modern society we would call, living a successful life.
The irony here is that most of the time they get both, success and meaning, just because they choose to focus on doing the things they love the most and they always pursue their heart desires. They are not motivated by money; they want to make a difference in the lives of those around them and in the world.
6. PRAISING vs. CRITICIZING. Happy people would probably agree with Carl’s Jung theory on resistance: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size”. They don’t criticize the absence of the behavior they want to reinforce, but ratherevery time the behavior is present, even if it’s not that often, they know that by praising the person and the behavior, they will actually reinforce the positive behavior.
When a parent wants to make sure that his 7 years old boy will learn to always put the toys back in the box after he’s done playing with them, he will make sure not to focus on the many times the child won’t do it, criticizing him and his behavior, but rather, every time the little boy does put the toys back, the parent will praise him and his behavior and that is exactly how he will reinforce the positive behavior, and in the end geting the wanted results.
7. CHALLENGES vs. PROBLEMS. Happy people will see PROBLEMS as CHALLENGES, as opportunities to explore new ways of doing things, expressing their gratitude for them, understanding that underneath them all lies many opportunities that will allow them to expand and to grow.
8. SELFLESSNESS vs. ALTURISM. They do what they do not for themselves, but for the good of others, making sure that they bring meaning, empowerment and happiness in the lives of many. They look for ways to give and to share the best of themselves with the world and to make other people happy.
 ”Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted.”Buddha
9. ABUNDANCE vs. LACK/POVERTY. They have an abundant mindset living a balanced life, achieving abundance in all areas of life.
10. DREAMING BIG vs. BEING REALISTIC. These people don’t really care about being realistic. They love and dare to dream big, they always listen to their heart and intuition and the greatness of their accomplishments scares many of us.
“Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.” Goethe
11. KINDNESS vs. CRUELTY. They are kind to themselves and others and they understand the power of self love, self forgiveness and self acceptance.
12. GRATITUDE vs. INGRATITUDE. No no matter where they look, no matter where they are or with who, they have this capacity of seeing beauty where most of us would only see ugliness, opportunities, where most of us would only see struggles, abundance where most of us would only see lack and they express their gratitude for them all.
13. PRESENCE/ ENGAGEMENT vs. DISENGAGEMENT. They know how to live in the present moment, appreciating what they have and where they are, while still having big dreams about the future.
“When you are present, you can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangled in it. The mind in itself is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when you seek your self in it and mistake it for who you are.” Eckhart Tolle
14. POSITIVITY vs. NEGATIVITY. No matter what happens to them, they always seem to keep a positive perspective on everything and by doing so, they tend irritate a lot of negative and “realistic” people.
15. BLAMING vs. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. They take full ownership over their lives and they rarely use excuses. Happy people understand that the moment you choose to blame some outside forces for whatever it is that happens to you, you are in fact giving all your power away, and they choose to keep the power for themselves and taking responsibility for everything that happens to them.


Saturday, April 7, 2012

I am Just a Boxer

He is solid and strong
And stands tall in the ring
Like a door with a lock
That you cannot get though

Firm in his stance
Red gloves in front
Protecting

But be aware
Of the strong arm
Shooting out like a cannon
To connect with your jaw

Surprise

Afterwards I help heal his wound
The cut above his right eye
He asks me to linger there
The softness in him
At the surface now

He looks up with swollen eyes
and asks
"Where do you want me to go now?"




Monday, April 2, 2012

Housesitting in Healdsburg

I've been here one day shy of one week now in the suburbs of Healdsburg with Coco the Frankenstein dog.

It's lovely here. The house is small and cozy and there is great walking and hiking from here. The town square is not far and holds many bakeries, restaurants and wine tasting rooms. It's thriving and full of life. The weather has been delivering mostly rain, but the thirsty ground is happily drinking it in.

Coco is a rescue dog and definitely has some issues. She looks like a bulldog or a pit bull but with legs that are about 5 inches tall and don't look like they should be able to support her large body. Her legs kind of turn at odd angles and don't match the rest of her at all. She reminds me of a science experiment where a mad doctor put together the different parts of a dog and came up with Coco.

She is heavy and solid and built like a linebacker. When we are out for our walks I have to be very aware of other dogs or cats that she may see because then the hair raises on her neck and she makes a beeline toward them. If I'm not hanging on tight, she will drag me down for sure. She loves to walk and would be out all day if I would. We've been going out once or twice a day and I feel like I'll be in very good shape after this four weeks. Her favorite place to walk is the hill above the house which is open space and I can see the whole valley from there. It is a visual feast.

I've had a lot of nice quiet time because of the rain, but also taken some time to explore a little. The beauty of the Alexander Valley and the Dry Creek Valley are stunning. The grape vines stretch out in perfect rows through acres of fertile land and the entrances to wineries are decorated with the most beautiful flowers and trees. Each one looks like a mini vacation waiting for you to step inside.

I will be here for three weeks more and plan to enjoy every minute and cover a lot more ground. Me and Coco. If our legs don't give out on us....

The lovely Coco

My official membership card

Lake Sonoma

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Crosses We Bear


I sit looking out at the pristine blue water as I sip Jasmine tea and ruminate on A Moveable Feast. It's my first Hemingway experience and I'm devouring every bit. A friend said “I feel as if I’m rolling around in butter when I read Hemingway.” I agree with her completely. His writing is so rich and moving.

She walks in and sits at the small table next to me. She’s dressed in a smart designer skirt, matching jacket and leather belt at her small waist. I guess she’s around 32 years old. Big sunglasses and conservative diamonds on her ears and fingers. I’m thinking she’s in PR.

A few minutes later her friend arrives. Brassy, blonde, large sunglasses on her tightened face, enhanced lips shining with gloss and hands dripping with diamonds as she clutches a large designer bag on her shoulder. “Oh my god. I haven’t seen you in so long. Love your glasses. They’re the same as mine. Isn’t D&G just the best?” She leans over and presses her large lips in an air kiss on each cheek of PR girl. “How ARE you?”

Big sigh from PR. “I’m not doing well. Scott won’t let me have the house cleaner more than once a week, and the nanny just can’t do all that extra cleaning. And we have a dog, so the house is a mess. I’m trying to plan Scotts party at the wine bar and don’t know what to give as gift bags to everyone. And not sure if I should go with a full cake from Susie Cakes or just have them make the cupcake tower. What do you think? I’m also trying to find someone’s nanny who will watch kids at the park next door so that people can come even if they do have kids.” (She takes a small breath….) “It’s all just stressing me out. I’m having pains in my chest. The doctor is testing me for asthma and bronchitis. And also for some allergies. Maybe I’m allergic to gluten. I don’t know. And the dentist is concerned about my TMJ. I have that bite guard thing that I wear at night and don’t know if it’s helping. But I can’t sleep without it. What about you?”

“Oh honey,” Ms. Busty Blonde says. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure the doctors will figure out what’s wrong with you. You are seeing Doctor Yugishito in the city, right? I hear he’s the best.” Big inhale as her triple D chest rises and falls. “I’m trying to plan this wedding for next year but Jeffery just won’t sit down with me and look at the photos and the quotes. He says I should plan it and he’ll show up. I want him to go to Italy with me in July because you know I have that place rented on Lake Como, but he just won’t commit. So I’m gonna grab one of my girlfriends and go. Can’t wait for all the shopping in Italy. I can get a lot of things for the wedding.” She takes a bite of salmon and a sip of Chardonnay. “Maybe you can get Lisa’s nanny to help at the party. You know that one from Guatemala? She’s sweet.”

Wearing my invisible ninja suit, I watch out of the corner of my eye as they nibble on chocolate lava cake and sip an after lunch espresso. I think about how large and real these problems are for the two friends. And feel glad that they live in Marin and not in Calcutta….



Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Buddha and the Barcode


We walk through the water
Three inches over the whole of the piazza
Maybe it's true what they say
About Venice sinking

Small worms appear
Like those after a rainstorm
I slip and fall
Laughing on the way down

With a caring smile
He reaches out a hand to help me up
"What about Les Mis?" he says
As he pulls me to my feet

I look at his right forearm
and see
The most beautiful Buddha
And a stark black and white bar code
Tattooed there







Saturday, February 25, 2012

Blue Cottage on Christmas Tree Hill

She was born in 1920
Stately
Graceful
Pristine

60 stone steps
take me to her door

Wild turkeys strut through the trees
and fly up to the roof like drunken stones

The little red fox appears
and keeps and eye on me
before he disappears into the night

The hawk does a fly-by
to make sure all is well
As the deer munch on grasses
peering at me out of the corner of a doe eye

Miles keeps me company
and heals me with his kneading paws on my knotted stomach
This cat knows his stuff

I am alone
while surrounded
by sacred animals


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Storage

The key fits into the silver metal lock like a perfect lover

Click

The yellow door swings wide on its metal hinges
The smell snakes and swirls up
into my nostils
Like the pink smoke from I Dream Of Jeannie's lamp

The smell of 30 years
of collected stuff
Thousands of photos
Turkish tea pot
Thai elephants
Indian saris
Italian plates
Tax returns
Marriage licenses
Birth certificates
Piles of costume jewelry
My favorite sauce pan
Millions of words
on the pages of notebooks

My life
behind the doors
of locker number 926

Monday, February 6, 2012

Writing From The Soul - Rescued From The Trash

10 minute writing exercise.....


Rescued from the trash….the first one is always a little hard to get started. Like the engine of my car on these cold winter mornings in Utah. Warming up the fingers…



Rescued from the trash..hidden under the boxes and glad bags and apple peels. What is hidden there? Hiding beneath the other garbage so that no one sees. It doesn’t want to be seen but yet wants to be rescued without saying a word. Hiding but wanting to be seen and rescued.



She is small and quiet and cold and hiding. She doesn’t know if she wants to be found. But she does. She wants to be rescued from the trash, and not be a piece of the trash and more.



Unveiled and unhidden and known and seen. In all her glory. She is love. She is a goddess and she is ready to rise from the trash like a phoenix from the ash trash. Let her out. Let her be seen. Let her be all that she is already. Just peel away the trash from around her and she pops out like a stripper from a birthday cake. Ta daaaa….. Sequins and fishnets and heels shining as she steps gracefully down from the mounds of sweet icing. She is sweet and grace and love and she is here ready to be seen. Ready for her debut!



Rescued from the trash are my writings that almost didn’t make it. Hidden in the verses is my soul. The words just seem to be words until I read them out loud and then I know. It connects me to my soul. The words from when I was 13. Such a strange time in ones life. All hormones raging pimples popping boys looking boobs sprouting. What the hell is going on? The song on the radio says it all. Chicago – If You Leave Me Now….



I knew it was important to write when I was 13 and now I’m glad I have the words to look back on. It’s a path, a story, of feelings, songs, paved with tears and lessons and loves along the way. Travels too. Around the world and back again. New languages, new food, new souls. It makes me whole. I’m getting antsy to hit the road again. It’s been 1.5 months in one place and I’m ready to go again. Feeling boxed in inside the room with the forced air heat to ward off the winter chill of the mountain air.



Gotta get someplace warm. Gotta be by the ocean again. Smell the salt air and feel the open minds of people in California. The mountains are good but not so much when I can’t get out in them in the brittle cold. I’m a warm weather gal. The cold chills my bones and makes them stiff as they wrap around my insides and heart. I need to thaw out. Get out in the mountains of Cali.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Writing from the soul

I started attending a Writing From the Soul group when I was in Bali, and now, thankfully we continue online. We meet on Sunday nights for a very powerful hour and a half. There are people in Bali, Canada, Equador and the U.S. in our little clan. We are given a short prompt and then we write for ten minutes. Not thinking, not editing, just writing from the soul. Not from the head. Hearing what our unconscious has to tell us. I close my eyes and type and the words flow and I don't even know what they are until I read it aloud to the group. It's been an amazing exercise and I am continually surprised at what happens. 

One of the recent prompts was "In A Place Where Trees Can Speak" 
This is what my soul had to say about that:

In a place where trees can speak it’s a magical forest. Where fairies live and flit around in the trees as the trees speak to them. They tell the secrets of the ancients. They know all the wisdom there is to know in the world. In this place the trees stand in a circle and share the truth of the universe. We only have to listen. It’s damp and mossy and warm there. I am enveloped in the trees. They hold me with their branches and warm me and care for me. They speak to me and tell me all I need to know. I just need to listen. To put my hand on the rough bark of the tree and listen to what they have to tell me.



The ancient souls. Keepers of the universe. The trees may laugh at us as we fumble through our lives. Thinking we know everything and that we rule this planet. We know nothing. But we are learning as we go. Falling down and making mistakes along the way. Skinning our knees and putting many band aides on the scrapes until we forget the mistakes we made. When the last one heals we forget. But how long before the scrape does not heal? We may have one scrape too many. Do we have enough band aides in the bathroom mirror cabinet? Enough salve to keep the bacteria out?



In a place where the trees can speak is where I want to be. They know their stuff. They write books and speak a beautiful soft whimsical tree language. It’s there is we want to hear it. The face on the trees…. Reminds me of the wizard of Oz. Magical place where trees can talk and dance and wave their limb arms and tell stories and warn us of our misdoings.



Let us sit in the center of the trees of wisdom. Gather and soak in the message. The meaning. The love the encouragement. We can do it. We can pull out of this mess. Turn the tide. Pull back from the edge just when we’re about to fall off into the abyss.



Listen. Listen to the trees. The bark is rough but the words are soft and silky and warm and inviting and enveloping. The roots are as deep as time. The first bit of time started with the trees roots and all that knowledge is soaking up in them. Dancing with the trees and the wind. Blowing the dust from out of my roots. I want to be a tree hugger. Why is that a negative term? We should all hug trees as part of our everyday existence. Maybe things would be different then. Holding hand with the trees. Listen to their language and their hearts. Wooden hearts. Not a bad thing for a tree.


Thursday, January 26, 2012

Sundance Film Festival 2012

I've had a lovely week of seeing films at the Sundance resort. They have a small screening room and it's nice and intimate. Park City is where the bulk of the festival happens but there are hundreds of people there and one would have to be in the right energy zone for that. I started to go up one day last week but the snow was too intense.

On Tuesday I saw Mosquita y Mari - a lovely coming-of-age film about two hispanic girls in California.

Wednesday was The Comedy, a film about a group of privilged young men in Willamsburg whos inherited wealth "breeds indifference and recreational cruelty". Very troubling and very well done film.

Later that day was West of Memphis, an incredible documentary about 3 teens who were wrongfully convicted of killing three young boys in Memphis in 1994. They were released in 2011 and one of the young men was there for the Q&A. I was so inspired and impressed by him. He was like a Buddha. While in prison he did not see the sunlight for 7 years. He turned to meditation and study and had no anger inside him at all. He said he made the concious choice to not harbor poisonous anger and resentment that could and would eat him up. He chose to live in the present and make the most of his life. wow.

Last night I saw COMPLIANCE. A highly disturbing film based on actual events. A man called a fast food restaurant and claimed to be the police. He said that one of the employees had stolen money from a customer and had the manager hold her in the back room. He instructed her to strip search the girl and degrate her in many ways. The manager did everything she was told to do. It was unbelievable that someone could be so stupid and follow along so blindly. As the film progressed, many people got up and walked out. Angry and upset at the film.

At the Q&A, the filmmaker told us that this actually did happen. Over 75 times until the perpetrator(s) were caught. The man behind it was a obvious person with mental problems, but was angry because he wanted to be a policeman and was denied the job. The filmmaker was able to get the video recordings of several incidents and police records. It was absolutely incredible and made me think a lot about how we as human beings blindly follow along and do was someone in authority tells us to do.

I'm happy to be here in Utah during this time. The festival is an important event in the community and gives us all a chance to appreciate great art in filmmaking and expand our personal horizins and perspectives.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Utah snow

I am enjoying my time in Utah. We got the first major storm of the winter yesterday and it was a good one. I was on my way up to Kamas to see Taylor and Julian and about one mile into Provo canyon, everything changed. It was raining when I left and suddenly it was a white out blizzard and there were cars spinning and off the road everywhere. Red and blue police lights whirled around and tow trucks pulled smashed cars out of the river. That's when I turned around and came home. Sad not to get to spend the day with family but not worth the risk. Later on the news I saw that they closed the canyon completely.

I decided to go to a movie and ran into some friends there. Their daughter works at the theater and they were kind enough to give me a complimentary pass. Later I went to a sushi place and had tea and yummy food and wrote in my journal and perused the Sundance Film Festival catalog. A lovely afternoon before coming home and relaxing in a nice warm house.

I am feeling lots and lots of gratitude for many the blessings in my life.







Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Happy 2012!!

I had the privilege of ringing in the new year with my dear friends - The Goodwill family who I've known for more than 20 years, in downtown Salt Lake City. We got a beautiful room at the Grand America Hotel and had a lovely time. Our other friends Craig and Lance joined us and we had dinner at a sweet little place near Pioneer Park called Tin Angel. We all laughed and talked late into the night and munched on delicious. local organic food and wonderful wine.

We got back to the hotel in time to watch fireworks being shot off all over the Salt Lake Valley from our 21st floor view. I couldn't imagine a better place to be to celebrate this auspicious beginning.

In the morning we had yummy breakfast in our room while we talked about the year ahead for all of us.

We went over to Craig and Lance's beautiful home for a meal of home made soup and sandwiches while football games played on the tv as background entertainment while we chatted away.

I feel honored to have known these friends for such a long time and to have had so many crazy wonderful adventures with them so far.....trips to the wine country, countless parties that they have thrown, concerts, plays, movies, but mostly fabulous parties throughout the years. We have watched our children grow up together, and now Craig and Lance are raising their own beautiful twins who are 8 years old now. Our shared stories are what we have and they are good ones!

My heart is full of blessings and optimism as I move into a new time on earth. It feels to me like a time of reawakening. A time of taking it to the next level. A rebirth of sorts....evolution. There are things that must be done this year that have never been required before. An awakening is taking place for all of us here. Things are shifting and evolving at a molecular level and beyond. Are we ready? The train is leaving and it's best if we're on it.

Jai Jai 2012!

Devan and Grandma Pete

Kelly, Devan, Pete and Amber - New Years Day 2012

a sunshiny day at the park

Playing at the park with Nana

gorgeous day at the park

Julian is loving being outside

Making cookies with Nana